Individuals should embrace self discovery with curiosity and a sense of HUMOR. There are so many amazing people talking about this subject! Dive in and find the conversations that excite you the most and inspire you to take action. Society at large can stop this silly notion that we are after perfectionism, when in fact life is a messy ride and the beauty of life is in the unique expression of each person. No more filters. No more altered images. No more hiding. Let’s celebrate the mess with love!
I had the pleasure to interview Wishbeads founder, Alexa Fischer, an actress and public speaking coach. The idea for Wishbeads struck Alexa one day while she was in the shower. Even though she’d never made jewelry before, she decided to follow the impulse of “this crazy idea” and make it happen. Wishbeads mission is to inspire millions of people to make a wish, put in the work, and make their wishes come true.
Thank you so much for joining us! Let’s Get Intimate! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.
I’ve always loved people. From the time i was a little girl, I loved chatting with strangers, hearing stories from both the young and the old, and delighting in entertaining my family. This natural love of mankind, brought me to study acting. I was fortunate to graduate with a Masters in Acting from The Yale School of Drama after getting my undergraduate degree from Northwestern. Oh, the stage! The stories! The characters! After appearing in the play “Glimmer, Glimmer and Shine” at the Mark Taper Forum, with the late John Spencer, I found myself with a set of new agents in LA and they were quite intent that I would trade the New York stage scene for a life in TV and film. So, I did just that. I played reporters, lawyers, crooked pharmaceutical executives and the like until I was bleary-eyed. On day on set of the TV show, Bones, I had a little epiphany. As I laid on the ground with fake blood pouring out of my mouth, I deeply questioned my chosen career path. How was a making a difference in the world?! Who was I helping? This question inevitably led to an answer…
A few days later, a friend called me up and asked if I would lend my skill to help her client who was in need of a media trainer for an upcoming interview. I jumped at the opportunity to lend my skills to empower someone else, so they could shine like the stars they saw in the entertainment industry. What I knew firsthand, from watching countless celebrities in person, was that they are just like everyone else. No more special. No more beautiful. No more lucky. They were just like you and me..
And yet — so many people put themselves down while looking up to the airbrushed celebrities that cover magazines and flood Instagram feeds. I knew in that moment that my life was about to begin another chapter. One in which I would teach people how to shine like the celebrities they so admired. I would help them overcome their fears, reconnect to their inner light and speak with confidence.
That intention led to the second chapter in my career. I taught everyday people, corporate executives — even women transitioning out of homelessness — to ignite their 1000 Watt Presence — their inner light, so they can speak their truth. In addition to leading workshops, speaking from the stage, and coaching individuals, I also created comprehensive online video classes. I have over 40K online students to date…
Then, a few years ago, I had a crazy idea come to me in one moment in the shower. I heard the name “Wishbeads” and knew in a split of a second what the concept would be. By writing your wish down and wearing it on your wrist, you could stay inspired to take action.
That one idea led to my next chapter… As the Founder and CEO of Wishbeads, I have designed a collection of bracelets that have been featured on The View, Good Morning America, in the UncommonGoods catalogue, and in stores across the country. My new book WISHWORK was just launched January 15th and I’ve led the Wishbeads paperbead Experience to over 1,000 teen girls…
As you can see, I’m a woman on a mission!
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?
Right now I’m working on connecting with influencers and companies to host virtual Wishcircles. These are live-streamed events in which people can be led through the Wishbeads Experience together. It begins with a brief chat about how our thoughts create our reality, since what we focus on, we attract. The Wishbeads process begins by seeing your wish in vivid detail through a guided visualization. When you quiet your mind, you can tap into a moment in time (at some point in the future) when everything feels just right. When the visualization ends, you record this experience, in rich-present tense language.
After you see your wish and write it down, you capture the essence of your wish in a single sentence that you write down and insert into the cylinder on the bracelet. By wearing your wish on your wrist, you are training yourself to focus on what you want, instead of life’s daily stresses!
Next, you begin the 21 days of WISHWORK. These are super simple exercises for you to do during the day and then reflect on at night. This process has a huge impact on wellbeing since it invites you to see the world from an entirely new perspective. Through the Wishwork, you are asked to notice smiles, the messages in music, the power of stating your wish out loud — such simple activities that reap huge rewards. Suddenly you feel supported as you make small action steps. You see coincidences. You feel a blast of positive energy. You realize you’re getting high-fives from the Universe all the time.
I’m a mom and a wife… I am well aware that when I am deeply satisfied, working on my goals and dreams, I show up grounded, calm and content and that helps ALL of my relationships. When you can do Wishbeads with someone you love, you can even build your wishes and do the Wishwork — together.
More Virtual Wishcircles are my wish for this year….
Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?
As a professional actress, I had to become numb to all kinds of rejection. Being told NO was simply part of the job. In addition to auditioning and not getting countless roles, I remember my agent telling me that I should get an EYELID LIFT when I was about 28 years old?! Honestly, “the business” was nuts. Even when I was working as an actress regularly, I knew I had to have a strong sense of self to help me navigate the seemingly endless criticism. Women in particular were under so much scrutiny. You were too thin, too fat, too flat chested, too whatever… All of this silliness made me seek deeper understanding of myself and what I freely wanted for my life.
Looking back on that journey now, thank goodness there were those obstacles. Those challenges, helped me seek inspiration elsewhere — in mediation, at retreats, and in learning to become an entrepreneur.
When I became a mother, I knew that there was no turning back. I wanted to commit my time to the things that mattered to me most and with people to appreciated all I had to offer!
According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?
Well, I’m sure I’m not the first person to say that the media has much to do with the way we think we are “supposed” to look. Airbrushed, over sexualized young women paint a picture of the ideal female. I think the same is true for me to a certain extent. By seeing these images, we are subconsciously comparing our own bodies to these images. When wrinkles and fat are smoothed out and retouched, we believe that those images shouldn’t be there at all. We have grown to a culture that celebrates eternal youth and slender figures. Anything outside that narrow definition is undesirable. Social media has given people the power to publish themselves, but we have grown so accustomed to the norm that we even FILTER OURSELVES. So there you have it…
The result is not loving and celebrating who we really are. When we wake up the morning, how many women (and men) look at their sleepy face in the mirror and say some version of, “Oh man, I look like crap.” That negative energy then carries over to the first thing you say to your partner or children… It’s the message, “I’m not good enough.”
Imagine if every person woke up happy and grateful to be alive. How would their energy shift if they looked at themselves in the mirror every morning and said, “Hey, beautiful!”
The world would be a better place.
As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?
When you love yourself, you share that love with every being you come into contact with. It’s an energy that is palpable even if you don’t say a word. Think about it, can you feel the energy if someone walks into a room and they’re pissed out. You feel it! What happens when you look at someone and they smile at you? You feel their warmth. It likely makes you smile too! Love yourself so you can share the love with others. It’s a gift that keeps giving.
Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?
I think people stay in mediocre relationships simply because they don’t believe there is anything better than what they are experiencing right now. Maybe they are afraid. Perhaps being alone is worse than being with the one you’re with…
The only thing certain about each one of us on the planet is that we are all going to die. Yep. At some point we leave. Dying without regrets is perhaps the best indication of a life well lived. Happiness is your birthright. If you know you are not happy, it’s up to you to take action. See the life you wish for….take small action steps… and your wish may very well come true. At least you’ll never regret not trying!
When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?
My husband loves to say… “Look at your log.” This is a reference to a Biblical passage (and I’m paraphrasing it!), “Why do you look at the spec of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your own?”
In other words, stop blaming other people. Take responsibility for your own life. Reflect deeply. Have the courage to change. In my own life, the moment I catch myself criticizing someone, I pause and ponder… what is really bothering me? Is there something in that experience that I am wrestling with myself and if so, what can I do to heal?
When you embrace the idea that you are 100% responsible for your own life, you free yourself up from the endless blame game that drains your energy and gets you nowhere!
So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?
We come into this world alone and we will live alone. A true fact that one doesn’t often want to consider!
When we cultivate our ability to spend time with ourselves, alone, we slowly gain more confidence in ourselves, without the need for others to be by our side. How liberating! We have no control over who stays with us (spouses, partners, children included) so to be content with oneself is the best gift. As a meditator, I try and make time to be alone with my silence at least 20 minutes a day. This practice helps me connect to my own inner stillness, which is the foundation for being content with just being ME.
Cultivating this skill is what I believe will help me when it’s my turn to leave the planet…alone!
How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?
When you are content with yourself, and generous with your own self-love, you can be generous with others. Think about it… Insecure people often fret about what others think of them in the middle of a conversation! How can you really be present with another person if you are wondering… Do they think I’m smart? Am I out of their league? Should i have worn something else?
When you love yourself, you quiet your inner chatter so you can be fully present with others. Your light shines and that light helps other people shine too! Energy really is contagious.
In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?
A. Individuals should embrace self discovery with curiosity and a sense of HUMOR. There are so many amazing people talking about this subject! Dive in and find the conversations that excite you the most and inspire you to take action.
B. Society at large can stop this silly notion that we are after perfectionism, when in fact life is a messy ride and the beauty of life is in the unique expression of each person. No more filters. No more altered images. No more hiding. Let’s celebrate the mess with love!
What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?
- Meditate every day! When you quiet your mind, you remember who you really are. No need to judge the process, just commit the time to sit quietly. It does matter!
- Laugh every day. Please stop taking life so seriously. One day you will leave and you might as well enjoy the ride while you’re here. Find your funny!
- Discover what makes you deliciously happy and practice that often. My rescue dog Eddie makes me happy. When I pet him, rub his belly and stare into his eyes, I feel his unconditional love. It’s the best — like drinking the nectar of life!
- Practice selfless giving. There are so many people in need. When you give of your time and your energy everyone wins. My Wishbeads idea in the shower came the night after I led a workshop at a homeless women’s shelter. That night we discused the power of focusing your attention on a tiny thing that brought you joy — like the sunset or a flower — and then using that energy to guide you forward. That one evening help set my dream in motion while the women had a wonderful night of connection and inspiration. Everyone wins.
- Be a lifelong learner. The secret to staying young is to study all your life. There is no end to what you can learn and by expanding your awareness, you develop a deeper understanding of the world and the amazing people in it!
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?
I love The Moth — the honest stories of humanity that never cease to amaze me. I listen often!!
One of my favorite books in the world is Cheryl Strayed, “tiny beautiful things”…Such heartfelt, smart responses to some really tough (and totally relatable) questions. I also adore her podcast, but the book is what helped me become a fan for life.
Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic is another favorite.
All of the above resonate with me because there is a level of honesty and humility that permeate everything. I had the pleasure of being at a workshop with Liz and Cheryl and they were two wildly funny, wise women who spoke from both the hip and the heart. That’s the kind of advice that works for me…
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…
TO WISH BIG!!!!!! My giant wish is to have one million people wishing at once. Once million people committed to taking action toward their deepest desires. That, I have no doubt, will shift the energy of this planet.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
My favorite quote is from one of my favorite teachers at Yale, Wesley Fata… “Champions adjust”.
I think that needs no further explanation…
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
My life (and yours) is a tapestry of all the beautiful and not-so-beautiful experiences. When we learn to cultivate an attitude of a champion with all the twists and turns, we embrace the idea that adjustments or obstacles are part of the experience and should be embraces instead of avoided.
Stop fretting. Start jumping. And always know that champions adjust.