Immigration and Chocolate

A Grassroots Solution

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Chicken Boy Highland Park California 


Washington is dysfunctional. They can’t find a solution to anything. The government is shut down. At least I get my Social Security. In this age, it is time for all of us to stop being Sunshine Patriots, role up our sleeves at the grass roots, and come up with a solution. So here is mine-FOOD.
What we need is a new immigration policy that admits people into this country based on whether the food in their county is good. This is radical change, but it is what we need. It isn’t racist it is merely foodist.

Of course this will result in a very different policy. NORWAY IS OUT. Frankly most of Scandinavia–Have you ever tried Ludefisk?
England and most importantly Scotland is out-haggis?
Some people in red states may be dismayed, but who can live a week without an enchilada or a taco -Mexico is in.
In discussing this with my friend Doug he agreed, but said there would have to be some fine tuning ( we’re lawyers, we understand the complexities).
There is the chocolate exception.
Belgium gets a limited pass, based on chocolate, although it may not qualify on other grounds
There is the liquor exception-Sweden gets a pass based on Absolut.
There will have to be regional distinctions as well- Everyone likes Cantonese, but Sichuan-too spicy.
Then there is the problem of the unknown food territories. What about the countries where the cuisine is less known? What do they eat in Uzbekistan?
The solution as with everything these days- -a new reality show for Food Network. Something different and perhaps patriotic, to replace the constant fare of tense elimination contests. Each week they have their panel of regulars (Flay, Zacharian etc.) sample the best dish from the unknown food territories and rate them. After the ratings are assembled ( hopefully great show ratings as well) they will be sent to the Congressional Budget Office, who will present a report which will be ignored.

Of course, the greatest resistance to this proposal will be how America deals with its greatest pseudo– enemy. Remember Freedom Fries. The largest group of admittees will be, and we will have to live with it–THE FRENCH!

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