If it is not a “clear yes”, it is a no. If it’s an “I don’t know” it’s a no. – Brendan Durell (@innerlightwarrior)
Maybe one day that person / people will be sure. That doesn’t mean you should fight for a yes, wait for a yes or hope for a yes – that may or may not come.
I was on Instagram the other day and saw this post put up by my friend Brendan, and it really struck home for me.
I had come out of a long term relationship, the last 6 months of which was a back and forth roller coaster. At the start of those last 6 months we had a fight, broke up for a day and when we talked the next day he told me he needed time, just to figure things out. I told him that after a year together he shouldn’t need time, he should know and I walked away.
And then I caved. Everything was good leading up to that fight – which honestly was me questioning our relationship. I thought I was being hard on him, and I was afraid, that I was self sabotaging. Relationships were about understanding and compromise. I had heard many times over the years that maybe my standards were too high. I listened to what he said. I listened to good and well meant advice from others. I listened to my heart that did not want to be broken.
I choose not to listen to the instinct that kept telling me I should walk away.
And I went back and gave him time.
What followed was 6 months of back and forth, of hurt feelings, of forgiving, of working hard to forget, of uncertainty and insecurity.
And then it ended, and what ensued was hard and hurtful. But this time, I didn’t try to fix it. I didn’t pursue it. This time I decided I was just going to let it be, what would happen would happen.
Sometime later I saw this post and I realised – that first time I walked away, I should have stayed away.
All my life I have given people this same advice. Many times I have followed this advice, but this time I didn’t. I was afraid. I was afraid of losing something I shouldn’t have had to hold on to in the first place. Of course every relationship involves hard work and compromise but you should always be certain with the people you love.
Love is a two way street. Love is equal. If not, it is not love. If someone is hurting you it is not love. If you feel insecure, it is not love.
Value yourself enough to know that you deserve a ‘Yes’ with no conditions. Know that one persons ‘maybe’, can be another person’s ‘yes’ – don’t lose a yes because you pinned your hopes on a maybe.
If they deserve you, when they figure it out, and you can let them in when they do. If they don’t deserve you by letting go you just opened the door for the person / people that do.
Nothing can push away something that is meant for you.
Except you – you can push away something that is meant for you by being afraid to let go and see where life leads you.