I haven’t met you yet but I have dreamt about you. My mother has begged you don’t show up until I am ready and everything in my life is stable. I’d be lying to you if I told you I haven’t been having quite a bit of fun making mistakes and figuring out this crazy thing called life so one day, when you are sitting there and asking me for my useless advice because if you’re anything like me, you won’t listen to any of it, I can tell you about how cool I used to be and how I handled every twist and turn in my youth, like a NASCAR driver (who I am kidding.. I’ll never be cool and I’ve handled some twists and turns like a housewife on the phone with her friend Lisa, trying to schedule pilates…. mess).
I was thinking the other day while driving down the PCH blasting Enter Sandman about how many wrong-turns, dead-ends and detours where the windows get fogged up, I have left to do so I can be prepared to be the ultimate version of myself so when you truly need some guidance, I can tell you I have been there… or I tried to go there and I got lost but I can guarantee you I had music on far too loudly with the windows down and while desperately trying to figure out how to get back on track, I somehow managed to find the humor.
I’ve thought about how I’ll have to tell you cigarettes are bad for you, but of course I’ve smoked one… or 10.. make that, 20. That it may seem like love is the only thing that can break yet mend your heart at the same time but you’ll realize at a certain point in your life, you can’t do anything wrong with the right person, that forgiveness is a choice and you’ll choose to give it without thinking twice or calling it a gift because you’ll recognize that some peoples’ behavior isn’t necessarily a reflection of who they are, but something they had to go through to evolve into the person they are meant to become. I promise you, there will come a moment in your life that you’ll realize you can love freely, unattached to the outcome, knowing you are part of their journey and not the pivotal thing that will change them but rather, the reason they chose to look within… and if you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who makes you do the same. You’ll stop determining the value and strength of your heart by how loved you are, but rather how despite it all, you resiliently love people unconditionally, for their authentic selves because goodness knows how hard it is to remain true to who you are in a world where everyone has the solution for a better you. A more likeable you. A more desirable you. Let me tell you something- anyone who has boxes that need to be checked for them to consider loving you, isn’t worth giving your time to.
Meanwhile, I will continue to make these mistakes that turn into lessons, these wild nights that turn into wilder mornings, these moments of vulnerability that evolve from moments of weakness to moments of bravery, so I’ll have the best bed-time stories. I know we won’t meet for a VERY LONG TIME but I promise you, when we do, I will be the first person to show you how unconditional love is supposed to be. I’ll set the standard. I’ll show you how forgiveness is free.… and despite it all, no matter what you do, I will never leave your side. Because you’re perfectly you. Until that time comes, I’m learning through this epic journey how to be that person for myself and having a blast doing so. I love you.