I am no longer my sister’s keeper

How losing my sister to breast cancer elevated our connection.

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Picture it Cicely 1904 lol. Who has watched the golden girls? One of America’s classics. One of the shows my sister and I would laugh so hard about because we seen ourselves in them. Growing old together and arguing yet laugh while arguing.

However that will not happen. My sister left us in 2010 and Angie will be forever 39. Forever 39 a pitch to my heart. No 40th, No 50th, or no 55th birthdays here on earth. FOREVER 39!

As the reality sets in my heart aches more. At times I feel like giving up. Not as far as leaving this earth but just going into the mountains and living in the wilderness. That is how I feel right now anyway.

Alone at the age of 39 while my sister will be forever 39 and my family will remember that they had her for 39 years. As my parents replay the birth of my sister and to know the clocked stopped at 39.

As quiet as it is kept during this grief journey we feel ROBBED. Not just of time but of our peace. What happened to our peace? Uggghhh what is so irritating is that even when we get our peace semi back we realize that this new way of life is going to send us through a whole nother cave.

As I walk through this cave knowing my sister will be forever 39 it hit me. I am not my sister’s keeper anymore. I am not responsible for her, I can not support her, and I am not able to be there for her. I AM NOT MY SISTER’S KEEPER(tears).

The truth is I am no longer my sister’s keeper because we now have a new bond which allows me to be more connected with her now and forever more. I am connected to my sister because she is me and I am her. Our souls are forever tied her story lives through me. My pain as a sibling who lost a sibling is a message that needs to be heard. As I walk through the valley I fear nothing yet I hurt because my sister will be forever 39.

Pexels

Andrea A. Moore Intuitive Grief Coach

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