I’ve been meaning to pen this for a while. There is something that has been itching at me for some time. Nearly four years to be exact. You see, my second son is turning four in a week and for the last four years I’ve been labeled a “boy mom”. If you are unfamiliar with the term, it means a mother of only boys. I don’t mind being called this. I’m not one to get my panties all up in a knot about labels. Sometimes labels, well, just help identify things. “Boy mom” is cute. The comments I receive for being one, are not.
Here’s a sample…Are you going to try for a girl? You must feel outnumbered at home!
It must be crazy all the time with TWO of them!
And then the supposedly supportive comments like…You must save so much on clothes!
It’s nice for THEM to have each other (although there is some truth to this one…more on that later).
But perhaps the most unbearable of them all is the mom of a boy and girl who acts sympathetic. Like she assumes you are disappointed and doesn’t want to brag about her good luck at having one of each. Boy moms (and girl moms), you know exactly who I’m talking about. With the “we would have been happy with whatever” comments and the reassuring but slightly pitying looks. I understand. I also thought one of each was the norm. So in their minds, something has gone terribly wrong for us moms of same-sex siblings.
To be clear, I was never one of those girls who thought about becoming a mother. It’s not that I didn’t want to be one, I really just didn’t think about it. And I didn’t think about how many I would have and what I would name them. So, when the time came to start a family, I didn’t overthink the output. Like most people (I say people, not just women), I just assumed I’d have a boy and a girl. I have a brother. That seemed to be pretty standard. So when I was pregnant with my first, I thought whatever it was would be fine since I wanted two kids. I won’t lie, the day I found out my second was another boy, I was disappointed. I knew I didn’t want a third child so the reality of never having a daughter set in. But now that my boys are 6 and 4, I haven’t just accepted it, I’ve embraced it and feel very fortunate. Sure, sometimes I think about what I’m missing out on, but then I remind myself of everything I am in on. If I had a girl, I wouldn’t have my two boys, and that would suck.
So. Not that I think this needs a list, I mean, simply having my two babies is everything, but here are just a few reasons why having two boys is awesome.
- The brotherly bond. This one is priceless. Of course a brother and sister can bond. But it’s different. Not not good, just different. When I told my own brother that I was pregnant with another boy he said “I wish you had been a boy”. Wait a minute…but I get it. I always wanted a sister. Sure, my boys fight and compete but they also have their own little world they created just for the two of them. Their inside jokes, their games, their names. They are each other’s confidantes, know the other’s fears, loves, good buttons (bad buttons). Their complicity is overwhelming. They are actually happy to have each other. And even if time changes them, they will always have that.
- You are the only girl. Read that again: you are the only girl. This is amazing. You are the #1 gal in two boys’ lives (or perhaps even three if your partner is male). Forever. Sure, they’ll grow up and move on, but you will always be the first woman they loved.
- More money to spend on yourself. This one sounds selfish because it is. The reality is that moms spend a lot more money on girl clothes than boy clothes. I get it, girl clothes are more fun (I mean I started Allette because I LOVE clothes!). That’s why I’m so happy I am not tempted to buy ridiculously expensive rompers for my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, my boys love clothes. They love receiving new clothes, picking outfits out, dressing themselves. But I don’t feel I need to buy tons of them or the newest trends. They pretty much look cute in anything (so do girls for that matter but they seem to have more expansive wardrobes!).
- They’re fun. I am not a super active person. I don’t get up and run and tackle. I like to sit somewhat quietly and peacefully and think or talk. Luckily my boys like doing some of that too. Not all boys spend their days jumping off the furniture. They play pretend, board games, do crafts, build, draw, do puzzles. And yes, they jump on their beds. They rework the couch into a fort and cover it in plastic toys. They make a mess in the bath giving each other beards. I (try to) embrace all of it. And it can be really fun. It’s different from the games I played growing up; it’s like having a second chance at childhood.
- All kids are hard work. I just don’t buy the ‘boys will be boys’ thing (see games played above). I’ve seen so many articles, like this one and this one, debating which gender is harder to raise. But really, raising any kid comes with its own unique set of challenges. Boy, girl, active, sensitive, difficult, social, whatever. Sure some kids just have a naturally easier disposition, but in my experience this is rarely based on his/her sex. Although I will stereotypically say the second tends to be easier (I don’t know what we do to that first one!).
- You see the other side. Remember those teen years trying to figure boys out (or most of your 20’s, who are we kidding!), you now have an insider view. Having only boys means you really get to know them. My two boys are completely different from one another, but I do see similarities which I can now recognize in most other boys — and men. That toilet seat up drama all makes sense now.
- They’re yours and they’re amazing. I’ve become pretty good at brushing off the (unintentionally) lame comments but what inherently bother me about them is that the commentators somehow assumes I would do things differently if I could. But I wouldn’t. I don’t think ‘I have two boys’, I think I have Jaxon and Evan. And they’re perfect.
So…now that you’ve read this, are you going to try for two boys???
Originally published at alletteboutique.com.
Originally published at medium.com