I choose love over fear. This is a process I use to make sure I’m making the right decisions and from the right places. This removes a lot of negative repercussions as well. Basically, throughout my day, or when faced with a decision of any sort, I ask myself, is this coming from fear or avoidance, or do I feel like I’m expanding in a positive way and it feels like love? I don’t second guess my answer after that.
As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Mandy Morris. Mandy Morris is the best-selling author of Love…It’s How I Manifest, and creator of the Authentic Program Series, an online training program created to help individuals re-connect with their authentic selves. Mandy’s ‘science and love based’ methods for creating instant and lasting change have been researched, studied and taught by therapists and coaches in the Netherlands, Sweden, Ireland, UK and the US. She has worked in Norway researching how psychosomatic health issues are created by thoughts, not environmental factors, and how individuals brain patterns changed through her communicative therapy methodology.
Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.
Life tends to bring you a compilation of experiences and tests to prepare you for whom you’re going to be in the world and what you’re going to do, doesn’t it? From my perspective, it started when I was a child. Wanting the world to experience peace and love. I went through some difficult times in my younger years and I created a pattern out of it into my early adult years, but my desire to help the world never changed; it just felt impossible. I began to wake back up to my intelligence, studied with scientists and doctors, observed human thought patterns and why so many are in such deep pain. After that research and understanding of psychology, physics and, oddly enough, the impact that love has in psychology based work, I decided I wouldn’t get my PhD and instead would jump right into empowering humanity. I trusted my intuition every step of the way, and genuinely followed my heart in service to the world, which is what I equate my success to.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?
Yes, I’m always cooking up new programs and experiences. I can’t seem to create them as fast as my clients ask for them so I keep myself busy. Currently I’m heavily focused on certifying more coaches so our global events can be ran by others. We are also completing programs about how to consciously parent children, understanding and changing your money makeup, obtaining higher consciousness through health, and of course, a program on having more authentic relationships.
Humanity forgets that by knowing oneself you acquire almost every necessary foundational tool of change. Each program focuses on getting as deep down to the “root” of whom we are and what our problems may truly be so that it can be reverse engineered and then shifted.
Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?
I spent my adolescent years on finding new and interesting ways to loathe myself. Even when I was in University studying psychology I didn’t grasp the power of what self love and understanding does for a person in pain, and I was in plenty of self made pain. I had a difficult, and also beautiful childhood depending on the events I focus on, which lead me to crippling anxiety, depression, self loathing, being taken advantage of, and being an all around people pleaser.
It wasn’t until I was so far into rock bottom and was gifted a glimpse of a different reality I could feel that I began to commit to true change. I never gave up again and I pushed forward towards finally feeling at peace with myself. Life has literally blessed me deeply since that intention was truly and genuinely set.
According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?
We are with ourselves 100% of the time, and weve forgotten that were given eyes so we could see the beauty in differences, not to be robbed of peace by comparison. It’s a societal programming that’s been embedded for so long it’s a norm if it’s looked at through passive consciousness. It’s rare that beauty ideals are questioned, yet, they are always changing anyhow! We can actually open our eyes to see beauty exists in all things or we can settle for lives that are inauthentic because we attach our appearance to how we deserve to be treated. Sometimes we dim our intelligence or our true essence to attempt to be seen OR unseen which lowers our natural vibrancy that attracts others to us in the first place when we are stuck in ANY negative thoughts, including ones of self image.
As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?
Literally a few days ago I watched one of my clients put her hand on her chest and say, “I can truly say, I actually love myself now.” And she erupted in powerfully positive tears. Self love heals the soul, can help remove false beliefs, and even rectify programming created by traumas. It taps you back into your intuition and reminds you you’re capable, and you’re actually a gift to others, which then makes you start showing up in life like you are.
Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?
So many people will stay in less than fulfilling relationships primarily because of how their past has showed them it’s going to be. This can be how relationships were seen as you were growing up, what was presented to you, and the perceptions you may have taken on in your early years with friends or partners. The root here though is primarily, “what beliefs do you have about yourself, about relationships, and about how they are supposed to be for you.” We live and die by our rules in all areas of life, relationships are no different.
If you can dig into your beliefs and begin to question their validity, and see how you play a role in keeping those beliefs alive and solid for you, you’ll begin the process of breaking them.
When we talk about self-love and understanding we don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?
This is such a good question. I would say before you ask yourself these questions stay aware of how often guilt or shame pop up so you can love yourself through your self growth, it’s not easy looking in the mirror and seeing we create our own reality, but it’s necessary for change.
- Am I assuming responsibility for my life as it looks or do I blame others or play victim?
- What do my daily actions and thoughts truly consist of when it comes to how I view my reality and what I think about myself?
- Do I get a tricky reward for staying in a mental space that doesn’t serve me? (Perhaps it helps you not risk getting hurt, being a victim so others feel bad for you or validate you or keeps you “unseen”)
This is a daily practice for me now, as I have fully faced the fact that I am not a victim, and life isn’t happening TO me. It’s happening BY me, so I’d best grab the reins and understand how I’m creating it.
Any moment I feel emotions that aren’t typical anymore for me (guilt, inadequacy, fear, anger) I pump the breaks and address it head on, and with a lot of love.
When I first began my true journey of growth I had to face parts of me I had buried, parts of me I didn’t want anyone on the planet to see. When I met my husband I realized I had to be vulnerable if I was going to be able to have a healthy relationship with him. It forced me to make a decision to step up into my authenticity and dive deep into myself, or pretend to be okay, which he could see right through. I didn’t create attachment to it looking a certain way which helped me flow through the self discovery much more easily when I’d reach points that I thought were once ugly.
So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?
I think this is an evolving process. I used to be so afraid of being alone because sitting with my crazy thoughts would lead somewhere negative very fast. Once I began the process of understanding my inner workings though I naturally found myself alone more, and then I went to the opposite end where I always wanted to be alone because I was constantly hunkered down working on me. It balanced out where I can feel and choose consciously when it’s most serving to spend some time alone, when someone is bad company, and when I’m craving connection. Always though, it’s good to spend at least a few minutes a day in quiet solitude to hear what you have to say to yourself, listen to your needs for the day, and get centered. However you do that though, is quite flexible.
How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?
Once you know yourself it’s much easier to know your triggers and your makeup, as well as be open and honest when you’re not showing up in relationship authentically. There’s a richness to being around someone who knows themselves, you become this gift to soak up, and it helps bypass someone else’s walls, so naturally, deeper connection just occurs because everyone feels safe.
In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?
A) Don’t be afraid to learn who you are, as well as what you’re not. Find a program, a book, a mentor, whatever, to help you dive into you, and pour self love in.
B) society needs to stop pretending people are perfect. There actually are people on this planet that show up as they truly are, that love genuinely complete and happy lives. Society needs to tune into their intuition and highlight those individuals, as well as their journey, versus showcasing false accomplishment. People are intuitive, but sometimes naive, so those lies create confusion.
What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?
1- Morning routine- lord help me if I don’t journal or do an internal check in first thing. My line of work can be emotional and intense for others and I can easily absorb it if I’m not in a high space. I ask myself each morning in my journaling, “what does the world need of me today that I can freely give”, and, “what am I feeling today.”
2- Making sure my needs are met. I’ve learned I need to get outside everyday, and I love healthy connection to others. I make sure my day or week consists of enough of those needs so I don’t start trying to fill them in unhealthy ways.
3- Keep it simple. I remind myself that nature is simplistic, and I actually am too. When I get too fogged up mentally I have practices to get me back into my heart space and then find simple solutions to whatever I’m feeling.
4- Grant myself permission to slow down. I have this need for speed. I get caught up in “doing” sometimes, yet, I’m a human BEING. When I’m racing around mentally or physically I make sure the moment I feel overwhelmed I take a breath, take a day or take some time for me.
5- I choose love over fear. This is a process I use to make sure I’m making the right decisions and from the right places. This removes a lot of negative repercussions as well. Basically, throughout my day, or when faced with a decision of any sort, I ask myself, is this coming from fear or avoidance, or do I feel like I’m expanding in a positive way and it feels like love? I don’t second guess my answer after that.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?
I tend to always look within for my answers because I believe many answers are floating in our psyche already. Having said that, I studied a compilation of neuroscience, physics of sorts, and hands on work and studies clinically from a psychology basis, as well as health related, so when I feel I need answers I look to those findings to put pieces together. It helps me feel I’m in the driver seat of my truths and I have the most amazing people pop up that I get to learn from because I keep myself in an open space of learning.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…
I’ll go ahead and spill the beans… we have a movement in creation called You Need to Hear This. It will be a free program of love and support from around the world for those who are about to take their life, metaphorically, or truly. Suicide, as well as choosing to fully shine your light and serve the world, is something close to me and our team, and we know the impact that an outreach of truth and love can do when someone is about to shut off their light or take their life. Imagine a world of people serving one another, reminding one another they are valued and have a special gift the world needs, and imagine that person courageously giving it. That to me, is the start of a healed planet.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
“There is no finality in life unless you choose it.”
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
It’s similar to the idea of, “if you don’t like where you’re standing, move.” If we dig into our thoughts and beliefs, we can change our external reality too. Nothing has finality, even when we are knee deep in the experience and forget that truth. It keeps clarity in my soul that I am in charge of my reality and whatever is happening will pass or be conquered if I stay centered.
Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!