I was in a long term relationship, and at a point where everyone was expecting us to tie the knot very soon. Then, after a trip to Las Vegas, I realized that I had to summon all my courage to terminate the relationship.
Looking back, it was a bold move. We had already bought a place together. Many of my close friends and families were getting married or expecting their first bundle of joy. Yet here I was, deciding to end a steady relationship and venture into the unknown, just as I was turning 30.
I never quite laid out how and why I made this important decision. If I have to sum it up, below are the main reasons.
I lost my own identity in the relationship.
Compromise is necessary in a relationship, but unhealthy compromise means you lose a big part of your identity. My former partner and I had many different interests. I tried to do things he enjoyed, but never felt he made efforts to reciprocate. After dating for several years, I found myself not doing things that I used to like, simply because my former partner had no interest. I started questioning my own identity. I felt I had to give up a big part of my identity in the relationship, and I didn’t feel good about it.
I was happier alone.
This may be obvious now, but I was so blind in that relationship. I wasn’t happy, and subconsciously, I was avoiding admitting it. But soon, I started telling my partner I wanted to do things by myself. I would go on road trips, checking out museums and exploring new cities because I liked traveling alone. This was a big red flag. After we went to Las Vegas together (and I did not enjoy it), it made me realize that I needed to confront my own unhappiness about the relationship.
I saw misery in my future.
Again, my former partner and I didn’t quite have the same vision for what our future should look like. He wasn’t fond of kids, whereas I always saw kids as part of the future. I also didn’t feel supported when I needed his help. In short, I didn’t see a future with him, or I saw a future that would end in misery.
It became so clear that the relationship wasn’t going to work out, at least from my perspective. But it still took a lot of courage to end it because I was also afraid of the consequences — not knowing what would happen after.
Would I stay single for the rest of my life?
Would I end up being very lonely?
Would I be still unhappy?
After examining all these questions, I felt that any possible outcomes would be better than what I was about to get into.
The unknown may be scary, but it also gave me endless hope and possibilities.
After our relationship ended, I felt instantly liberated. I felt I could be myself again, and explore things I truly like. I needed to be me again.
I am glad I had the courage to do what I did then. It has changed the trajectory of my life, and I am now married with the love of my life, and have two kids with whom I share my joy every single day.
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