Wisdom//

Venturing into the Unknown Was the Best Life Decision I’ve Made

Ending a long-term relationship taught me to find happiness on my own terms.

Image: Shutterstock
Image: Shutterstock

I was in a long term relationship, and at a point where everyone was expecting us to tie the knot very soon. Then, after a trip to Las Vegas, I realized that I had to summon all my courage to terminate the relationship.

Looking back, it was a bold move. We had already bought a place together. Many of my close friends and families were getting married or expecting their first bundle of joy. Yet here I was, deciding to end a steady relationship and venture into the unknown, just as I was turning 30.

I never quite laid out how and why I made this important decision. If I have to sum it up, below are the main reasons.

I lost my own identity in the relationship.
Compromise is necessary in a relationship, but unhealthy compromise means you lose a big part of your identity. My former partner and I had many different interests. I tried to do things he enjoyed, but never felt he made efforts to reciprocate. After dating for several years, I found myself not doing things that I used to like, simply because my former partner had no interest. I started questioning my own identity. I felt I had to give up a big part of my identity in the relationship, and I didn’t feel good about it.

I was happier alone.
This may be obvious now, but I was so blind in that relationship. I wasn’t happy, and subconsciously, I was avoiding admitting it. But soon, I started telling my partner I wanted to do things by myself. I would go on road trips, checking out museums and exploring new cities because I liked traveling alone. This was a big red flag. After we went to Las Vegas together (and I did not enjoy it), it made me realize that I needed to confront my own unhappiness about the relationship.

I saw misery in my future.
Again, my former partner and I didn’t quite have the same vision for what our future should look like. He wasn’t fond of kids, whereas I always saw kids as part of the future. I also didn’t feel supported when I needed his help. In short, I didn’t see a future with him, or I saw a future that would end in misery.

It became so clear that the relationship wasn’t going to work out, at least from my perspective. But it still took a lot of courage to end it because I was also afraid of the consequences — not knowing what would happen after.

Would I stay single for the rest of my life?

Would I end up being very lonely?

Would I be still unhappy?

After examining all these questions, I felt that any possible outcomes would be better than what I was about to get into.

The unknown may be scary, but it also gave me endless hope and possibilities.

After our relationship ended, I felt instantly liberated. I felt I could be myself again, and explore things I truly like. I needed to be me again.

I am glad I had the courage to do what I did then. It has changed the trajectory of my life, and I am now married with the love of my life, and have two kids with whom I share my joy every single day.

Follow us here and subscribe here for all the latest news on how you can keep Thriving. 

Stay up to date or catch-up on all our podcasts with Arianna Huffington here.

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...

Community//

5 Things You Need To Know To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce: With Corrie LoGiudice

by Ross Garcia
Community//

Loving a narcissist is like Stockholm Syndrome

by Vivian McGrath

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.