“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small.” Kim McMillan
What is self-love? Many of us don’t know the answer to this question. The truth is, many of us never truly developed it, or it is not very strong. This can lead to destructive, harmful, and unhealthy ways we treat ourselves, including how we allow others to mistreat us. It wasn’t until I wrote a self-love affirmation that I started on a journey that helped me recover from a substance abuse problem, heal my depression, and build a life centered on well-being and happiness. Anyone can write a self-love affirmation. Even if you think your self-love is good, it’s important to make sure to continue to build your self-love and keep it strong. Having a strong self-love is the foundation for which the rest of your life and your happiness stands.
What is Self-Love?
Self-love is…
· The belief you hold that you are a valuable and worthy person.
· Owning responsibility for making sure your needs are met, giving those needs a voice, and believing you have a legitimate right to those needs.
· Not giving your power away by allowing others to mistreat you – keeping your power and holding others accountable for treating you with dignity, value, and respect.
· Being honest about your current choices and thought patterns and undertaking new practices that reflect self-worth.
· Practicing acts of compassion and forgiveness for one’s self, believing in the intrinsic value of you.
In short, self-love is believing in your fundamental self-worth, as a lovable and quality person, who deserves to be happy.
Many
of us find ourselves in unhealthy relationships, caught in cycles of
self-abuse, or struggling with finding happiness in our lives, unaware of how
we got there, and more importantly, unsure of how to get onto a better life path. Building a strong foundation of self-love
will help you create a better life, no matter what.
How Strong is Your Self-Love?
The important part about developing a strong sense of self-love is realizing that we may not have a strong one to being with. How can you tell? Do some examination of your life and consider your answer to some of these questions:
- Do I have relationships with
people who are abusive to me, either emotionally or physically, or
otherwise? - Are my friends negative, critical,
and judgmental of me and others? - Do I constantly berate myself for
being too stupid, too fat, too ugly, too boring, too whatever? - Do I say nice things about myself
or not? - Do I congratulate myself and cheer
myself on when I accomplish something or not? - Do I reward myself for my
achievements or not? Do I even acknowledge that I have achievements? - Do I tell myself I am deserving of
a good relationship with a loving partner? Or, do I tell myself I’m
damaged goods and no one would want me? - Do I engage in self-destructive
habits or actions, such as substance abuse, overeating, or causing myself
physical harm?
If the answers to some of these questions got you thinking that you don’t tend to treat yourself very well, you may want to ask yourself, “Why is that?” Our foundation for building a strong sense of self-love starts very early in our lives. If we don’t build a strong sense of self-love, then we are at risk of falling into bad habits, getting into relationships with harmful people, and engaging in unhealthy actions.
So, how does one begin to develop a strong foundation of self-love, or build the strength of the one we already have? I have found that writing a self-love affirmation can have a powerful impact on all areas of your life. By keeping this self-love affirmation in a sacred place and reading it frequently, daily, even, it helps cement our self-love firmly in our psyche, which can have tremendous and positive ramifications throughout our lives.
How do you Write a Self-Love Affirmation?
The mind is a creature of habit and it is also very impressionable. It will believe what you tell it. I had been telling myself all my life that I wasn’t worthy. I wasn’t loveable. I wasn’t this or that. So I had to re-program my mind. I did this by writing a self-love affirmation. To write a self-love affirmation, do the following:
Write a statement of affirmation on a post-it note that has two sentences:
1) A sentence that describes a few nice things about you
2) A statement that states your worthiness, value, deservedness of love, etc.
Both these sentences should start with the words “I am…”
Example:
1) I am beautiful, smart, and kind.
2) I am worthy of love.
Here’s what my affirmation said: I am beautiful, smart, and kind. I am worthy of love.
That’s it. It was short. It was simple. And it was earth shattering. I kept it in my jewelry box and every day I read it to myself. I read it over and over and over, until slowly it started to sink in. It started to take roots and then those roots started to grow more roots and anchor themselves. Then branches started to sprout and blossom. Soon, I had a full blooming tree with deep roots. Suddenly, I wasn’t willing to abuse myself with substances anymore or allow others to treat me poorly. My life changed dramatically and for the better!
When you write your self-love affirmation, find a place to keep it. Make it a place where you will see it and read it frequently. This is an investment in you, and you are worth investing in you.
You can find empowering online courses in how to incorporate well being principles into your life for positive change at bit.ly/wellbeingforyou.