“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”– Buddha
I’d like to take you on a journey into yourself, to the part you haven’t learned to love.
Why am I qualified to write about this, let alone believe you need self-love?
Reflect on a time where you experienced negative emotions such as: anger, frustration, hate, anxiety, fear or worry?
If you experienced these emotions more than frequently, you need self-love more than you realise.
This is not a patronising statement to minimise your self-worth. Any time you experience disempowering emotions, it is a call to wake up to parts of you you’ve ignored.
Think of a time you were accused of something by another person and were offended by the allegation.
Perhaps you retaliated in anger and inflamed the situation, thus experiencing a flood of toxic emotions.
I use the words toxic and disempowering to describe lower emotional states, in contrast to emotions of a higher frequency such as love, peace, joy, etc.
What you consider challenging in your life is a gift disguised as problems, to bring you back to the wholeness of yourself.
To reunite with the oneness of your being requires taking the journey into yourself.
It involves connecting with your forgotten self. You will recognise this part of you when you let go of the beliefs, ideas and stories you believe to be true.
This authentic self is real and you will recognise it the moment you get a glimpse of it.
Often, people come into your life to awaken you to your greater self. They are a gift bearing life lessons and experiences you didn’t know you needed until that time.
They won’t appear in the form you expect, however, they will force you to examine the fragmented parts you’ve dissociated with.
Author Matt Kahn explains in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You how to draw your awareness to your body and notice what the pain or strong emotions are inviting you to connect with: “Just by bringing greater attention to the part of your body where strong emotions or physical pain linger, you are loosening each layer of cellular memory to assist in another moment of healing.”
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits — anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”– Kim McMillen
The following is something I experienced years ago and helped me to reconnect with parts of me I had overlooked at the time.
I’d known my friend for many years, yet there was a point in our friendship where he was constantly criticising me for my life choices.
This caused tension between us and there came a point where I was ready to abandon the friendship altogether because of the constant criticism. I felt as though our friendship had disintegrated beyond repair and I was ready to walk away.
However, looking back, I realise that my friend was a gift in a form I didn’t recognise. He forced me to look deep within myself and heal the part of me I was at war with.
I was easily offended by his criticism and felt justified because of the hurt I experienced. I neglected to realise the negative emotions were really a mask inviting me to love and integrate my fractured parts.
Matt Khan states: “As a remedy, it is important to remember that how others view you is never about you at all. While they can share their views and opinions about who you are in their play, it doesn’t have to match up with who you know yourself to be.”
I possessed the qualities he was criticising in me, otherwise I wouldn’t have been offended by it.
Have you noticed when somebody judges you for something you believe is untrue, you are less likely to take offence because it seems ridiculous?
This happens when you integrate the fractured parts of your psyche into the oneness of your being.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”– Thich Nhat Hanh
When you are judged by another person, they too possess that quality you are being judged for. If you are insulted, you are identifying with the judgement and must heal that part of yourself.
Matt Kahn explains how what you take offence to is the process of healing through your nervous system: “On a cellular level, whenever a person has an emotional reaction, their nervous system is releasing layers of conditioning.”
So when others point the finger at you, it is symbolic of directing you back to yourself. It may not seem that way because your ego is inflamed.
However, if you allow the dust to settle and look deep into yourself, you will realise the seed of what you are being accused of is present within you.
Your accusers may appear like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, yet they are a gift because they force you to come home to yourself, instead of identifying with your unintegrated parts.
If it hurts to hear what they are accusing you of, it means you are not seeing how that quality can help you awaken from your sleep.
It is calling you to let go of judging yourself and love the part of you that is: hurt, angry, betrayed or let down.
I’m not suggesting you not be upset by their accusations because this would be insensitive of you. I’m inviting you to feel the pain and look deep within yourself to heal the part of you that is irritated by the pain.
It was the Buddha who proclaimed centuries ago: “Painful feelings arose, but they did not invade my mind and remain.”
Part of you wants to come home to your core self.
This part is the integration of all that you are and will ever be. It is awaiting your return when you let go of the storyline the ego espouses.
The process of awakening and enlightenment requires seeing past the falsehoods of the ego and reuniting with the wholeness of your core nature.
Originally published at medium.com