Hi everyone and let me, first of all, say a big thank you for taking the time to read my latest article which I trust will inspire you to see your breakdowns as breakthroughs.
By sharing my key turning point in my life my aim is to assist those of you who may be going through breakdowns and see no light at the end of the tunnel. When I look back in time, turning points that at the time were considered by myself and those who bared witness to them to be breakdowns are now my breakthroughs.
You may be wondering how did I do that? Well, we all know what to do when illness strikes, we go to the doctors, right?
Truth is, doctors are not the solution for all the things that create a breakdown. It is this realization that led me to the world’s best coach, mentor, and healer. For these last 4 years, I have intensively worked with him to help me overcome, heal and breakthrough the pain that came from having suffered from a multitude of mental and physical health illnesses. From the age of 17, I have been suffering from the effects of epilepsy, partial blindness, OCD, anxiety, depression, and addictions which included alcohol and both prescription and non-prescription drugs.
It’s fair to say I have suffered a great deal of pain in my life, a pain made all the more unbearable by being told by several mental health experts that I suffered from an incurable illness namely OCD and epilepsy. Imagine how you may feel if you were being told from a very young age that you’ll never be cured? The truth that my coach and spiritual teacher Tony J. Selimi helped me see is how all of these years of suffering, pain, and neglecting my love for myself left me with many internal scars and with a great darkness that encompassed all areas of my life.
Each session with Tony helped me heal different parts of myself, each behaviour he helped me address also increased my awareness of how the pain I had also pained and tortured everyone around me. My family, friends, and everyone I cared for were impacted by everything I experienced, I know now how they must have felt as I took myself further into the great depths of darkness especially with regards to my Alcoholism.
This one was a tough one to overcome as I had to go through detoxification over 12 times before I realised how getting drunk was my means of killing my internal pain. In truth, if Tony did not enter my life, one day I was going to prematurely end my life.
So I’d now like to share with you now 3 consecutive days of pain from my mid-thirties that became a source of strength for me as I continue in my journey to attain Perfect Health and Pain-Free Living.
Before I go on though I’d like to take this moment to say a huge thank you to my coach and healer, the internationally renowned expert in the psychology of healing the body-mind-heart, success, and leadership Tony Jeton Selimi.
His directness is like a sharp sword that cuts through all the things that do not serve us, for sure it can be scary if you have never allowed yourself to face the truth behind your pain, though his gentle touch, wit, and wisdom help you truly face your disowned parts of yourself with so much love.
As I got to know him, I realized he is the most caring, devoted, and humble man I’ve ever met. Despite my hundred or so conditions of OCD, mood swings, and doubts, Tony never gave up on me or on the fact that I can heal and get myself to perfect health.
Today, 2 years down the line, each session I have with Tony helps me get closer and closer to healing myself of over 20 years of Internal pain. It’s extraordinary to feel the way I feel, many time’s I felt like giving up but Tony’s words of wisdom, heartfelt intentions, and his integrated TJS Evolutionary Method® of Coaching kept me out of the darkness I used to enter into.
The more he taught me how to be in harmony with my true being, the more I realized what his words ‘appreciate your darkness’ meant that Tony said to me one day over a year ago as I struggled to accept my pains, negative thoughts, and various symptoms of OCD.
So Day one, began with me being in the pub very early as my pain from OCD was too much and I just wanted to block it all out, I had been drinking for days at this point. By mid-afternoon I had left the pub and had bought a litre bottle of vodka on the way home, on reaching home I came to the almighty conclusion that I had, had enough of my life. I had reached the bottom and I felt completely worthless and hopeless, I have to admit, after almost 20 years of torture I’d gave up and given in. I drank ¾’s of that litre bottle in about 90 seconds hoping that I would pass out never to awaken again.
Day two, thankfully I did awaken but I awoke with a feeling I knew only too well. As the feeling of alcohol withdrawal grew deeper so did the pain I had tried to block out with the consuming alcohol and my OCD resurfaced. At my peak I suffered from over 100 different conditions, forms, types of OCD one of which is called Pure ‘O’ where the sufferer has what is known as intrusive thoughts centring around irrational beliefs that you are capable of bringing great harm to others perhaps even being capable of murder.
At about 4 pm I started to suffer thoughts which resonated around stabbing 2 people to death “the thought being along the lines of ‘stab them to death’. I fully admit and accept that going through alcohol withdrawal at the same time wasn’t helping. I also accepted that I had created this terrifying scenario I now found myself in, by 4 am after 12 hours of listening to this same repetitive thought I indeed thought I was about to commit a double murder of 2 people I love very dearly, my very own parents.
I called a relative for help who in turn called the police, before I knew it I was surrounded by 8 very concerned police officers. Who were absolutely fantastic with me and treated me with such respect, they searched me for a weapon mainly a knife, which there wasn’t one and I tried my best to explain my illness of Pure ‘O’ to them. They could see I needed professional help and was a risk to myself more than anyone else. They drove me to the local hospital, I remember this journey very well, as I felt tired, numb and at a loss with what to do with my life, my job, my house, I had no idea what was going to happen to it all or me.
On arrival at the hospital, a lovely woman PC sat with me and told me I’d be here for a few days at the very least and wished me well. After an hour or so I was met by a psychologist who I have to admit had no interest in what I was telling him. I had built an illusion in my mind that at last, I would receive the help I so needed even though I was facing being sectioned to receive it. This was to prove wrong though after 4 or so hours at the hospital I was released.
I remember the feelings as I left the hospital walking along a long lonely corridor by myself knowing from within that I was now beyond expert NHS help as I walked out the Hospital Internally I shattered. I had entered a new dark space for after almost 2 decades of NHS Mental Health Treatments I now knew I was completely beyond any help they could offer.
The great blessings and breakthrough though was that I didn’t give in, I knew my life was nearing an end unless I found another way. I knew my life improved very little going through NHS Mental Health Treatments, I also knew if I were to bring myself to perfect health I needed to look for alternative methods of healing. I decided that an integrated approach to my healing was the best way forward for me.
I made that conscious choice shortly after leaving the hospital even though I knew I had no one else to turn too. They say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. This is exactly how I found Tony Jeton Selimi, a No1 Amazon bestselling author of two books who has been through so much struggle, pain, and suffering and has victoriously risen from the ashes like a phoenix.
Tony’s wisdom transformed the way I see the world and the way I looked at myself. His expertise helped see the greatness in me, awaken my inner doctor, and use the healing power of gratitude. As I read both of his books A Path to Wisdom and #Loneliness, I knew for certain that he can help me step outside my current familiar zone and step into my true greatness. Using his Unique TJS Evolutionary Method® on a daily basis helped to truly transform all of the eight key areas of life. It took a lot of hard work, time, money, effort and commitment but the results are unlike any I’ve ever seen or heard of for someone with OCD.
Today looking back I’m so glad those 3 days happened and I’m so glad I created them, yes I created them just as every human being creates their reality. I see now how I created all of what happened to me to learn, grow, and be all I can be. The one person who had to be there in all of those experiences is myself.
Finally, I awoke to myself, to my circumstances of over 20 years and with Tony’s transformational coaching and his amazing hands of light, I realised I was a victim to my circumstance and that at any time I create my own reality. Today, consciously I choose to create very different realities to the ones I used to create. I created a new reality that is far more loving to me, another of Tony’s famous phrases that helps me do this daily is to ask this simple yet very powerful question every time I am faced with a difficult decision: ‘Is this loving to me’?
Today, I can say yes to life, to love, to healing. My life is far more loving to me than it ever has been at any other period during my 43 years here on Earth.
Thank you, Tony
Paul McMonagle
p.s. To learn more about his work, books, book him as a speaker, inspire your leaders and teams, or have a private consultation with him please go to: http://tonyselimi.com