If change comes into our life, interrupting our day to day life, distracting our plans, taking away our security, we often have a hard time appreciating change, can you relate? We had it all planned out, we gave it all, we worked hard, we were passionate about it, things started to move forward – and then something happened, and your plans would no longer apply to the situation. We all know these moments, and we don’t welcome them very much, even when we know that everything happens to us and for our highest good and that this little breakdown is just redirecting us to something better. In the very moment though we don’t care about any of this, we just don’t like it.
On the other hand, there is the kind of change we wantto have in our life. The kind of change that we would do anything for. Coming back to the example I just mentioned, when we work on something that we really want, we are working on a change. Creating something, means we change something, we create change. From single to a partnership, is change. From one job, to the job of our dreams, is change. From home to vacation, is a change. Everything we are dreaming of having in our lives, requires change and is going to change the current reality. Do you love these kinds of changes? Of course, we all do. Because we decide to have them in our life. This is why we dislike the other kind of change so much. The kind of unpredictable change that destroys the favorable change we have been working on. Change is not change. There are different nuances to it.
We can’t do anything about the unpredictable change. We can simply react to it and make the best out of it.
But what about the change that we ever so strongly want to have happening? What can we do to make it happen?
The new job, the new relationship, the adventure, the new skill, the new habit – how do we get there?
“If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.” – Ellen Johnson Sirleaf
Let’s talk about those dreams. The ones we don’t even know where to start making them reality. It all starts with ourselves. The future, as well as the past, are just a phantasy. The only thing that really exists, that we can somehow control, is the present moment. And this is where change starts, today. It starts today, with a feeling and a thought, maybe words follow this thought, or we write it down. What is next, in order to really change? Most people might argue – action. Yes and no. Action is definitely what makes the thought of a change, becoming a reality eventually. But when it comes to dreams that scare us, we often don’t know where to start and what kind of action to take. We don’t know what needs to be changed.
The best thing we can do in a situation, where we don’t know how to fill the gap between the present and the future, is asking the right questions and creating awareness of what really is.
Very often we ask questions that won’t help us. Like ‘Where should I start, How could I possibly do this…’, we don’t get beyond these questions, because we immediately get involved in our internal world of fears and doubts. Here are a few questions, that are rather helpful, when we don’t know where to start or what to do next:
1. Why do I want this? Why do I really want this?
2. On a scale from 1 to 10 how important is this to me?
3. Is this dream, really my dream? Is it in alignment with my truth or do I want this because someone else wants it or because I think having this will help me with something else in life?
4. What is really holding me back?
5. How would my life change, when I make this dream a reality?
6. What is the worst & what is the best outcome?
7. What do I need to learn/source to start?
8. Do I act from a place of fear or doubt?
9. What was my very first instinct/feeling when I first thought about it?
10. What can I do today, to take action towards my dream?
And then it starts! You first create awareness of what really is. You have the starting point. The present moment, that you are in right now. Once we have clarity of how our life looks like at the moment, how achieving our dream would affect our current reality and once we found out how important it is for us personally to make the dream our new reality, we can slowly start to act. Sometimes we dream of things because they fascinate us, when in fact they don’t really matter to us that much over the long term. Let’s say the effort it would take to get there, is not worth it when we look at the outcome. Other times we are so convinced that we want something, when all we really want is something else through this. Maybe attention or appreciation from another person. Which is a whole other topic but doing something to please other people or to make them like you, is not what we should consider a real dream, isn’t it? We are talking about our big dreams here. We are talking about creating massive change in our lives. This also means massive effort, commitment and that we want to be sure, we really want this. It is ok to find out that we are not as passionate about something as we first thought, when we take a closer look at it. It is simply important to look at it before we go all in. This is another reason why I said before, that action is not always the first thing to start with but rather questioning our dream first.
Once we know what we want and where we exactly stand right now, we can start to take the first steps toward where we want to be.
What is the gap between today and where you want to be in the future?
This question can only be answered by ourselves. Each situation is so different, so unique that there simply is no magic solution to this question. But what I learned over the years, doing things people thought weren’t possible, or too much, or that I was too young or too old for it or too – you name it, is that we have the answers already. Somewhere within ourselves. We are born with the ability to adapt to change and to find creative solutions, in the most difficult moments – this is how we humans survive. Now it is your turn to be creative. To trust the instincts, you were born with. To get back to the curiosity and stamina you had as a kid, when you tried to figure out how to drink out of a glass on your own. How to walk or how to eat on your own. If you want your dream as much as you wanted to walk when you were little, you can do it.
Stay consistent. Everyday do something, as little as it might be, even just one thought, to work on your dream.
Believe in yourself and trust yourself. Be patient with the process. Be open to learn, don’t be afraid to reach out to people or other sources that support you on your journey. When we want something we never had before, we need to do something we never did before. And this might require learning something new. It can involve doing something that scares us, that we can’t do – yet.
Don’t compare yourself with others. This is one of the hardest things to do, especially, when people do the same or something similar like you. But you don’t know their story. You don’t know what they have been through before they came to where they are today. And it also doesn’t matter. If you can learn something from them, great! But always do your thing. You do you. Just because others did something a certain way, doesn’t mean this is the only way or your way. Listen to the instincts and the power you were born with, listen to your heart. You will find the sources to learn what you need to learn. You will meet the right people. You will learn and master the skills needed. You can do it!
Don’t let anyone talk you out of it, especially not your own mind with all the fears and self-doubt. You didn’t get this idea or this gift just to find out it is worthless but to overcome the obstacles and grow from them.
You believe in yourself. You can do it. You are enough. You were born for this.