“Why always me?”
“I am always unlucky.”
“Nothing seems to work for me.”
For years, I battled with a victim mentality. I attributed my failures to others. I always felt helpless in the face of my challenges and would rather give excuses than tackle them. I wanted to change, but I felt that change would be difficult. So, I continued the cycle.
And the results?
Disastrous.
Every aspect of my life was negatively affected. Everything seemed to be on hold. That led to more self-pity and sulking, and so the cycle continued.
My light bulb moment came when I began to look inward and discover the source of my problem. I found that I viewed myself as a victim and that I needed to discard that mentality before I can move ahead. I took some steps that helped me deal with it. Consequently, I started recording massive change and transformation.
I want to share some of the methods that I employed to snap out of a victim mentality.
If you are battling with a victim mentality, I want you to know that you can come out of it. It might take some time and effort, but it will be worth it at the end.
However, before delving into the different ways of tackling a victim mentality, I will give you signs of a victim mentality. If you observe these things in your life, do not panic. Instead, tackle them with all sense of seriousness.
Signs of a victim mentality are as follows:
1. Making excuses
2. Not taking responsibility.
3. Sense of powerlessness.
4. Lack of self-confidence
5. Blaming others.
6. Negative self-talk.
7. Self-sabotage
8. Frustration, anger, and resentment.
If you discover that you have these attributes in your life, you may have a victim mentality.
The big question is, how do you come out of it?
1. Find the source of your mentality: You did not acquire a victim mentality by accident. Something must have triggered it. It might be ugly experiences from childhood, ill-treatment from your parents, trauma, past failures, or previous challenges. When you allow those challenges to overwhelm you, you can develop a victim mentality.
Ask yourself the question, “How did I acquire a victim mentality?”
2. Take responsibility for your life: After discovering the source of your victim mentality, take decision to take responsibility for your life: past, present, and future. Refuse to blame others for the way your life has turned out. Say to yourself, “If it is going to be, it is up to me.” Others might have hurt you, but choose to rise above it all. Take responsibility and make your life work.
3. Get comfortable with not being the victim: In the past, you might have gotten pity from people as a result of your sob stories. And you bask in the pity. You felt happy about being pitied. It gave you some respite. Now, you have to stop the pity party. Determine that you will no longer be an object of pity. It might not be easy, as you might have enjoyed being the object of pity. But it is time to move on. The pity game will not help you move forward.
4. Shift your mentality from that of a victim to that of a survivor: You need to stop seeing yourself as a victim and start viewing yourself as a survivor. You survived whatever that happened to you in the past. Now, dust yourself up and live like the survivor that you are. Go out and do great things for yourself and others.
5. Be grateful: Gratitude is an excellent way of overcoming a victim mentality. When you focus on your blessings, you will discover that you are indeed blessed. If you can read this, you are blessed.
You can read this.
You can see this.
You are alive.
Focus on your blessings, and they will expand. That way, you will see the things that are for you, not against you.
6. Forgive: This is another major point. Forgiveness is key. If trusted ones hurt you in the past, please forgive them. Unforgiveness will only get you locked in a victim mentality. Forgive your offenders with all your heart. Forgive yourself too. Staying angry at yourself will lead to self-sabotage. Forgive yourself and move on.
7. Give value to others: Instead of indulging in self-pity and excuses, go out and help others. When you give value to others, you get that sense of being valuable. As you keep providing value to people, your value for yourself will increase, and you will come out of a victim mentality. So, go all out and help others. Stop sulking. Stop crying about what you do not have. Use your gifts and abilities to give immense value to others.
These are some of the ways that you can snap out of a victim mentality. You can also visit a counselor or a coach to help you through the process.
Start with any of these steps today.
Did you use to suffer from a victim mentality? How did you break free?
Please share in the comments. I would love to know.