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How to show up after Divorce?

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Separation is never easy. Loosing someone you once loved and cared for is akin to loosing someone through death. The grief cycle is exactly the same. Denial. Anger. Blame. Acceptance. Repeat. 

No one ever gets married to get divorced. 

You dream of a life together, work towards that dream and somewhere along the way that dream gets ripped from you. 

Right now, you are probably feeling alone, depressed, isolated and confused. It can be difficult to get out of bed in the morning and motivate yourself. 

You are probably replaying the relationship in your mind over and over again. Trying to pin point the exact moment where it all went wrong. 

Let me tell you as a Divorce Coach and a Lawyer, you could do that exercise over and over again, and never really arrive at a response that would satisfy you.

Now is the time for you to focus on yourself. Yes I said that. You are the most important thing in your separation right now. 

So how do you show up when you feel like your whole world is falling apart?

  1. Self care. 

I don’t just mean facials and face creams. Self care is the secret ingredient to surviving and thriving a Divorce. It’s going for daily walks. It’s Mediation. It’s connecting with friends. It’s drinking 2 litres of water a day which allows you to think clearly and feel good.

  1. See a Professional. 

Seeing a Psychologist is paramount in working through your divorce. So many people think that they can get through the journey of separation whilst avoiding their feelings. I have seen that avoidance lead to breakdowns, and really irrational decision making. This in turn costs you money and time you won’t ever get back. 

  1. Money Matters 

Seeing a financial planner is something that most women don’t prioritise until they find themselves separated. Knowing where your money has gone, and where it should go in the future is just as important as seeing your GP for an annual check up. Ask around for referrals of people who come recommended in this space. 

  1. Don’t over commit yourself. 

Instagram has a lot to answer for in our day and age. Rarely do we see the real and raw side of coping with grief. The worst thing you can do at this juncture is over commit yourself. Saying NO to things that won’t serve you right now is your secret weapon. Don’t force yourself to go places you don’t want to go. Don’t make plans to see people you don’t want to see. Just focus on being surrounded by your tribe. The people who will support you and allow you to be your genuine self. This will allow you to heal and transition through your separation.

  1. Think happy thoughts. 

Studies have shown that you are able to control your mood by telling your brain that you are feeling a certain emotion. Think about the brain like a muscle, the more you train it, the stronger it will be. The way I tell my clients to do this is by keeping a gratitude journal. Each day write down three things you are grateful for. By focusing on the positives, you will start to attract more positive energy into your life. 

By creating your own separation pathway, that is based on a regime of self care, you are guaranteed to be showing up and taking control of your separation.

Are you going through a separation? Want to know how to stay out of court and separate simply?

Contact us at Kalpaxis Legal 

Tel: (02) 8631 8593 

Email: [email protected]

www.kalpaxislegal.com.au

@kalpaxislegal

www.facebook.com/kalpaxislegal.com.au

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