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How to Say No First

To Get What You Came For

Lisa Pezik, online business, wellness, and brand strategy coach.

There it was, staring back at me from the page. I’m old school and use a pen and paper planner to rock my world, but the thing I was about to do, wasn’t going to move the needle forward in my life.

It was written in small print. Almost like I was hoping, subconsciously, my brain would miss it, and I could forget that I said yes to this thing I didn’t want to do.

Yes to the meet up with a friend, who’s constantly talking about herself, how the world’s done her wrong, and has no insight into her choices.

We all have these THINGS; the fine print things.

The play dates with moms who judge, the PTA meetings or book clubs, extra clients at work, watching the neighbour’s pet or running errands for the in-laws.

You may use an online calendar, and don’t kick it old school like me, but I’m guessing we have one thing in common.

When we’re stressed, the people pleaser comes out.

I’m not saying you should never help anyone out or put in a little extra elbow grease, but chronic “YESSING” leads to a life of misery.

We’re good, and we’re capable, and we’re an unstoppable force like Mother Nature, but when we fear disappointment, we find ourselves saying YES to everything that’s asked of us.

Over time, that leads to bitterness, and we’re too darn tired to cook dinner, so we grab crappy take out for the family and feel guilt about it later.

Now, I don’t have a beef with a good old burger or pizza every once and awhile, but when we aim to please, we don’t get out of life what we came for.

Think for a moment about your life. I know I did of mine.

When you were a little girl, you didn’t want to grow up to be known as a “good girl.” Perhaps you had to be, to not upset others, or to help out the family.

But you had dreams, and you had plans. From winning gold medals at the Olympics, to traveling the world, playing music on the best stages, or being a CEO of your own company.

But what you’re young heart didn’t know at the time, was that you wanted to leave a legacy. Legacy isn’t what’s said when you’re gone. Legacy is built in your daily habits and to do’s.

So where do you start?

You must master the word NO. I want you to start saying no FIRST, and not apologizing for it.

When you’re asked to do something that you don’t want to do, or to take care of a task that doesn’t move the needle forward in your life, say phrases like, “I don’t want to, no thank you, I appreciate you for thinking of me, but no.”

There’s a trap of saying yes first. Because once you commit, you have to follow through. One of the worst ways to break people’s trust and confidence is to not follow through with what you say you’re going to do.

And if you respond with maybe, you’ll think about it, feel guilty, talk yourself into it, and end up saying yes.

Lead with no, and you’ll start to have less fine print items on your calendar.

You’ll start to live life in bold color, bigger than you ever imagined. And you’ll spend your time, energy, and hard earned money where you want.

The word no is a tool in your toolbox to craft the live you want. Be brave. Be bold. You get one life. Go and get what you came for.

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