Feeling stuck is the root of many evils.
“I wish I could”¦.” is the third most common phrase in English after “good morning” and “f**k it.” – I`m kidding.
“I wish I could lose more weight.”
“I wish I can get him to like me.”
“I wish I can be more social.”
“I wish I can make more money.”
All are wishes. All prove to me that deep inside, everyone wants the best for themselves. Most people, like you, want to reinvent themselves.
The problem? But most people are stuck. They want change, but they don`t know how it works or whether or not they can handle it. So, they choose to watch and cope instead of building the life the matches all the gifts they`d been given. So, today I made you a post on how to un-stuck and reinvent yourself from scratch so that the next months and years are all yours. Here they are:
Have a goal that excites you
Set a goal for yourself and strive to achieve it. Goals give us hope which makes hard work more endurable and makes you push past your limits —and thus build self-confidence and trust.
According to a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology, how happy you are as an adult relies strongly on how good you are at setting and achieving goals. Goal-setting is also a technique Navy Seals use to increase passing rates. Recruits are taught to set extremely small goals —like making it from lunch to dinner— so that each time they achieve a goal, they get a dopamine kick and a boost in self-confidence which make them go even further.
So, pick a goal, any goal, and write a plan to achieve it. Make it something that excites you and revises that goal as many time as you can during the day and night. An easy method to set, and achieve, goals is that one used by psychologist, and author, Richard Wiseman. I`ve been using it for years, and I swear by it. You divide any goal you want into 3-5 sub goals, then for each sub-goal write:
I believe that I can achieve this goal because…
To achieve this sub-goal I will…
This sub-goal will be achieved by the following date ../../…
My reward for achieving this will be”¦
Follow this formula with any goal you want to reach. I`m sure you will hit some nice home runs if you follow that drill at least once a day.
Write down five things that scare you (and overcome them)
Fear is crippling and it can ruin your career and life. One study found that people who are afraid of losing their jobs actually lost those jobs because of how bad fear made them perform.
My advice? Find out the 20 percent of your fears causing 80 percent of your troubles then smack them down. You must confront your fears, especially fear of rejection, so you don`t waste your life hovering around your goals instead of conquering them.
Spend time with yourself and ask what can I do if I were a little bit braver. Come up with as many ideas as possible then tackle the five most influencing ones until you`re no longer afraid. It can be anything from fearing to talk to a girl to fearing to email someone for help or cold-call a client. If you truly want to reinvent your life then fear should be the compass you use to find out what you should do. Cracking through your most deeply-rooted fears will liberate you, and it`s totally worth it.
Expand/change your social circle
Happiness is having a group of supportive, like-minded, fun-loving friends who stick with you in sickness and health. Being lonely won`t make you happy, however, being around the wrong people will make you stressed, which is why you must consider reshaping your social life, so the process of reinventing your life works appropriately.
A 2018 study by Washington University says there`s a strong link between loneliness and dementia, chronic diseases and higher mortality rates. The same study suggests that 46 percent of America`s adults feel lonely most or all the time “ and in case you want to know, many of these adults are between 18 and 22 years old.
Another study by Northwestern University found that the quickest way to learn anything is to hang around those who possess that skill. Which means you must spend some time around happy, successful and wiser people even if it means living in another city, finding a mentor, or replacing your old, unsupportive buddies with better ones. It`s hard, I know, but it`s doable.
Connect with your old buddies and their friends, join new groups, take a yoga or a dancing class and start dating again —this has helped me cope after breaking up with my six-year ex-girlfriend. Easier said than done, I know. But you have to take action despite your fear.
The first time I decided to connect with my high school buddies I was scared shitless, but I did it anyway, and now I get the best time of the week hanging out with a group of extremely fun people whom I once thought will reject me.
Learn how to calm your mind
I want you to make at least one of these habits — running, journaling, yoga, and meditation— a lifetime habit. If you feel stuck in life, then I think you`re also victim to over-thinking, and nothing can control that muss in your head better than the four habits I just mentioned. They will give you the edge.
Social function, relaxation and mental health scores for a group of chronic worriers had gone higher following a 10-week yoga program, according to this study, which is primarily because yoga can reduce your primary stress hormone, known as Cortisol.
Running is another activity that improves your mental fitness. Though it looks boring to some people, running gives you the chance to train your mind not to quit. It`s an everyday battle between you and your inner, comfort-loving voice, and the harder you push without giving up, the quieter that quitter in you will be.
Finally, journaling allows you to understand your thoughts and feelings more adequately. It`s like putting them under the microscope with no one but you can examine them. You can`t imagine how much relieved you will start to feel after a month or two of journaling. Studies have found that this is one of few effective ways psychologists use to help vets returning from Iraq cope with their reintegration problems. Why not give it a shot?
Take good care of your looks
Reinvent yourself by working on your physical image? It`s not a bad thing, is it? You will feel desired which will improve your social life —look at how overweight people become suddenly social after they drop a ton of weight— and you will develop self-discipline as you begin to eat properly and hit the gym.
Trying to look better is a sign of self-love that. Even if you think can`t endure the hard work at the gym, there are so many “small” things you can do to look better.
Get enough sleep, shower every day, book a monthly massage, get a celebrity-like haircut, shave/wax consistently, and buy new clothes that actually fit you. You will feel happy and motivated to hit the gym, fix your diet and work on your relationships. It`s a closed loop that you can affect by any small positive, or negative decision you make, so choose progress.
Originally published at www.stevenaitchison.co.uk