Today many weddings are elaborate from large gatherings to destination events. Plans begin often a year ahead and all the multiple details proceed from venue alternatives, choice of the leader of the wedding, invitations, bachelorette and bachelor parties, engagement parties and choice of men and women taking different roles in planning these events. The prospective husband and wife go through a large transition as they continue to get to know each other when planning such elaborate weddings.
Certainly others are more modest and yet the tensions can still be overwhelming as guests are chosen and financial decisions made. Laws in different states play a part in the plans as well often making tensions rise and anxiety very powerful for all concerned.
So how can a wedding be a wonderful event for two devoted partners who claim their love for each other?
Tips on Making Your Wedding a Happily Planned Event
1.Be aware that communication with your partner is key. While one may be more dominant and opinionated and the other more easy going, each has preferences that define each other that they want their fiancé to respect.
2.When planning when to hold the wedding, listen carefully to the other’s preferences. One person may want to elope while the other has a dream that takes elaborate planning. Working these differences out is part of developing your partnership.
3.Where the wedding is held often holds significance for each of the partners. This needs to be recognized. Once again, listening plays a prominent part. Influences from other people in each respective family can interfere or enhance the choices. This is part of getting to know each other and each respective families.
4.Who do you invite is another question that requires careful attention and listening to each other. How comfortable is each partner with mutual and separate buddies? How many people do you want to have at this wedding? How comfortable are you with 30 or 250 people? People are different, even those who love each other. How do you work these numbers out? Compromises aren’t easy.
5. How many if any events do you want to precede the wedding? What may be a glorified toast to each partners new beginnings may produce a lot of tension when planning extensive trips with things to do and experience. Each partner needs to decide for him or herself how much attention they want lauded over them. Extroverts and introverts and all traits in between lead to decisions. Disagreements need to be heard with respect rather than anguish and anger.
6.How do you choose (if you do) the people to honor as part of the wedding party? How many are involved? Are these choices made out of love and care or reciprocation and compromise? These decisions can lead to many surprises and mixed feelings. Listen carefully as you get to know your prospective spouse.
7. Then there’s the big week or day depending on how things are planned. Pictures are taken sometimes after extensive make-up and dress rehearsals. What’s a shy person to do with all this attention? Clearly they need the protective eyes of their intended.
8.If in fact, you’ve planned this for many months to a year, you’ve now made decisions that are set and in play. You may regret some of your choices but learn to live with them as you learn to live with each other’s needs.
9. Remember to spend time casually during these planning hours enjoying each other as you always have.
10. Finally the connecting link between partners is coming to grips with the fact that you have made a multiple amount of joint decisions to your credit and still feel the love and devotion that brought you together in the first place. Express gratitude to each other for respecting each others’ needs and wants.
Thus the crux of the matter is that two people have fallen in love and planned a wedding to unite them. To do so means learning more and more about listening to each others ideas, wishes, beliefs, and intentions. You have grown together and learned an immense amount about each other that you may not have been so clearly aware of before.
Planning a wedding is a rehearsal for planning a life together.
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., is a psychoanalyst and author of Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior found on Amazon. Visit her website for more insights and guidance on partnerships and interpersonal life: http://lauriehollmanphd.com.
Originally published at medium.com