How To Make the Perfect Smoothie

The Value of Trial and Error

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When I was 16, I got my first job at a Starbucks kiosk in a busy food court in a busy outlet mall. I’d applied for the position of a cashier because I had a friend who worked there and enjoyed it – they quit before I applied, and never told me, and then for reasons I’m still unaware of but grateful to, I was placed in the kiosk alongside a cast of characters who taught me almost everything I know about life. No, that’s a joke, but they did teach me a lot about making it work in a four-by-four kiosk handling hot beverages in close proximity of four other people in a food court without AC in July in Virginia. Mostly, this consisted of maintaining a good attitude and getting it done right the first time. And, spoilers, getting it done right the first time means a lot of practice.

I didn’t drink coffee. I thought it was gross. I never expected to work at a Starbucks. So I messed up (and ended up drinking) a lot of smoothies. It was that, or Agnes would pour it down the drain, chide me for trying to sneak the weird drink to a customer behind her back, and make me make another Mocha Cookie Crumble.

Anyway, I quit that job, but I’d made enough non-coffee based drinks in a blender to know how much ice goes with how much milk, and I never liked vegetables, so my college lunge towards adulting included – like many people’s do – a bunch of smoothies. And I got really good at it, because I’d been doing it for a long time. And here I am now, trying to get an entry-level P.A. gig in a new city across an entire continent from anywhere I’ve ever lived, and long story short, I feel like I’m 16 again except this time I’m not malnourished because I drink a bunch of smoothies. In LA it’s nice to have something cold that isn’t always water, and who has time for actual literal cups of fruit? So here’s my long-winded life-saving smoothie recipe.

1) Nice Blender. Mine’s the Oyster Blend N-Go My Blend. It was under $20.

2) Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Almond Coconut Blend. Mmm.

3) FAGE Greek Yogurt with Honey. Non-fat. Nice!

4) Frozen strawberries. Or not frozen strawberries and five ice cubes. You pick.

5)  Raspberries or blueberries. Not both, we don’t wanna end civilization.

6) There is no six. Blend it. You’re done. Bam. Enjoy.

How’s that make you feel? Oh, its basic. But it’ll work.

Let me know!

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