1. Tell us about your success as The Relationship Miracle Worker
My success as The Relationship Miracle Worker was an unintended consequence. You know how people say beware of ‘unintended consequences’. That’s when BAD is implied. Well sometimes those unintended consequences can be good. You see, it all happened when I was in the 19th year of my marriage. It was like I went to bed in technicolor and woke up in an old black and white movie. I was not happy. To my mind, I had been very patient all these years. I had given my husband and my marriage almost 20 years to become perfect, and both had failed me. Sound silly when I say it now, but I wasn’t laughing then. I somehow was expecting perfection without even realizing it. At that point, I was on the brink of divorce, so close. But I decided to take a ‘time out’. I’d stay married for the time being while I figured out my next steps. The kids were already out of the house. I decided to shift my attention from my marriage to myself. That’s when I realized that this was the first time I was focusing on just myself and what I wanted to do. One small problem. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had passion to do something; I just didn’t know what.
Here’s how I solved that problem and it was brilliant. Yet, you’ll laugh when you hear it, but it really changed my life. You know how everyone says to follow your passion. I couldn’t find my passion. Soooo, I did the next best thing. I did whatever came to mind that I was willing to do. For instance, I thought of hang-gliding; that would be cool, but I wasn’t willing to do it; at least not at that time.
I also thought of joining Toastmasters. I was hesitant, but this seemed less dangerous, so I persisted. I picked a club and joined. Then, I always wanted to be active in my Temple, but nobody ever asked me. (Notice how I was thinking, as if people were going to run after me to get my participation.) This time I called the rabbi and told him the committee I wanted to be on. That was the beginning. Next, I got active in my local Hollywood community. Each activity fed off the other. Long story short, that’s when I started coming home from work and saying “Hi Honey with a genuine big smile on my face.” The first time I could see my husband’s shocked expression. That is when I understood how much of the unhappiness and discontent was coming from me and being caused by me.
That whole time was my own personal period of enlightenment. In retrospect, I saw that I followed specific steps to mending my own ego and then our relationship. For instance, I learned I was in charge of making me happy, not anyone else, definitely not my husband. And I was good at it; I could make myself happy, and it was and still is fun. Then I learned to lead my thoughts rather than be led by them. And so on.
It was like a series of miracles, you know, personal mini miracles. Solving my own relationship problems was a miracle. Realizing that it followed specific universal laws that would work for anyone was the next miracle.. And being able to teach others to perform their own individual miracles was third.
That’s when I became THE Relationship Miracle Worker to help others work their own miracles in their own lives. It was purely an unintended consequence of solving my own marriage problems. For me it’s Bringing peace to the world one relationship at a time. You can find out more at RelationshipMiracleWorker.com
2. What do you recommend to single people who want to follow your footsteps in having a marriage for over 50 years?
I don’t know if you know, Jose, but I teach a 3-part workshop for single people who are interested in long-term relationship. It’s called The Magick and Science of Love, Three secrets to finding the Perfect Partner. I teach it with my colleague Patti Negri, psychic medium extraordinaire. The most important part of success in marriage is the part that many people gloss over. That is doing your own version of what I did — finding yourself. Find what makes you happy. If you don’t know what makes you happy, just do whatever you think of.
Then list all your good traits and celebrate them. Then list all you bad traits and either change them or accept them. The imperfect in ourselves is what makes us human. It’s the part of us that automatons can’t duplicate. Until we learn to show ourselves compassion, we won’t be able to do that for anyone else that is close to us. You know, the closer someone is to you, the more critical you are, if you’re stuck on criticism.
That’s how you can be happily married for over 50 years. Because if you learn to love yourself with all you imperfections that teaches your imperfect partner that you’ve learned to love, to love you. It’s the ultimate expression of our humanity.
3. What do you do for your well-being?
What do I do for my well-being? First thing that came to my mind is my FaceBook Live broadcasts. That’s odd. But I do enjoy bantering with Patti on Thursday Thoughts with Merle and Patti and riffing on a different relationship topic on Merle’s Pearls. That’s Thursday Fun.
But what you probably were expecting is my workout routine, and I have one. Five days a week, I do a PACE intervals routine for 20 minutes, followed by a 2 mile walk. I do weight training 2 other days a week with my husband and another 1 1/2 mile walk. I am a strong believer that exercise and a healthy diet is imperative for health. And good physical health helps good mental health and that helps relationship health and that helps good quality of life, in fact, life itself.
Merle is the author, coach, teacher and speaker. Her recently released book is called CRACKING THE RELATIONSHIP CODE, The Key to Happy Relationships at Home and Work. Find the direct link to Amazon on her website, RelationshipMiracleWorker.com and while you’re there, sign up for a special free session at RelationshipMiracleWorker.com/freesession.
As an Intuitive Love Coach, she offers single session relationship x-ray and diagnosis to get out of the rut of choosing the wrong man. And when you are ready, let her instruct you in the miracles of leading your relationship to happiness and joy; it only takes one.
Merle holds both a Bachelor of Science degree in Secondary Education and a Master of Science degree in the Psychology of Reading from Temple University.
Perhaps Merle’s most significant credentials with regards to her significant abilities as a relationship expert are her more than 50 years of marriage to the same man, having parented her husband’s children and their own son. Merle is easily able to empathize with women who’ve experienced significant relationship difficulties and to help her clients overcome them, as she has. She has courses that offer relationship advice for women on techniques that may save their marriage
Tune in to Facebook Live every week for Thursday Thoughts with Merle and Patti as they discuss all things relationship. They combine having fun and giving valuable advice. Every Thursday morning at 11am Pacific. AND…
Right after that at Noon Pacific on Facebook Live Merle’s Pearls. Married over 50 years to the same man; she must know something about healthy relationships.
And she’s just added Merle’s Pearls Quickies where she offers One Relationship Tip and One Joke 4 nights a week. You can find her previous videos at relationshipmiracleworker.com/videos. When you get to her youtube channel, please click “subscribe”.
Speaking of Speaking: As a double degreed educator, Merle has a unique ability to turn her relationship experience, knowledge and wisdom into highly informative, inspiring and motivating presentations. She offers real-world and virtual (online and via teleconference) presentations, classes, courses, workshops, seminars, speeches, keynotes and coaching.
Contact her at [email protected] about engaging her speaking and coaching services. Look for MerleMSinger on the social media sites.