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How to Have Dinner When All You Get Are Crumbs…

“Oh, I’m sorry. I though you meant what you promised”- Anon People are perfectly imperfect. There’s no getting around that.  And while our imperfections and peccadillos will inevitably disappoint those we love from time to time, most people, in good faith, don’t mean to mistreat or rather, “misfeed” others.  Most, like to treat those they care […]

"Oh, I'm sorry. I though you meant what you promised"- Anon

People are perfectly imperfect. There’s no getting around that. 

And while our imperfections and peccadillos will inevitably disappoint those we love from time to time, most people, in good faith, don’t mean to mistreat or rather, “misfeed” others.  Most, like to treat those they care about “well”, by metaphorically feeding them delicious dinners, either made for or paid for with love. Sometimes, however, those who allege their unwavering loyalty and undying love, and promise you that highly coveted meal over and over again, always seem to come up short. 

Instead of delivering that paid for in advance, five -course fancy feast, they show up to the table time and time again with, well, you guessed it: crumbs.  

And while they chronically apologize for coming up short, citing climate change, their chaotic lives and even their ADHD as the guilty Grinch that stole dinner, getting crumbs when promised a real meal over and over again feels crummy.

You can beg, bully and even try to black mail the one who promised you that meal into living up to their word. This may result in an occasional serving of small appetizers and aperitifs, but those tactics won’t get you the dinner you deserve. 

Crumbs are crumbs and their trails don’t lead to the dining room.

So, what tactics can you employ to get what you need when you’ve consistently asserted your dinner request and still only get crumbs? 

  1. Try saying “thanks but no thanks”, and direct that person to feed those crumbs to that which would appreciate them most: the birds

2. Refuse to give or accept crumbs for yourself or anyone else by choosing to live up to your word and walking away from those who choose not to live up to theirs. (Who knows, maybe they will “get woke” and follow.)

3. Make sure to treat yourself to many gourmet gatherings of faithful friends who serve food without fodder.

4. Know that you never have settle for crumbs again.

5. Make sure to enjoy your dinner.

Bon Appetit!

My new book: Finding Hope in the Crisis: A Therapist’s Perspective on Love, Loss, and Courage, has hit the book stands. Learn more about it by clicking here.

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