Coaching Story: Jacinda
At the end of each chapter of How To Get Out Of Your Own Way, there is a “Coaching Story.”. These are stories from my coaching sessions; personal stories that have touched me. All names have been changed for confidentiality purposes.
As Jacinda and I began the coaching, I noticed that there was a discrepancy between where she was in her life and where she wanted to be. We both agreed to look at some of the limiting thoughts and limiting patterns to break through whatever barriers had prevented her from getting where she wanted to go. In my experience, you have to help yourself before you can help others. I always use the analogy of the flight attendants’ safety message to the passengers when the aircraft is about to take off: “Put your oxygen mask on first before you help others.”
Once we had established how we would like to work together and that this was her space to experiment, explore, and examine, we were ready to go.
“I’m in transition, and I don’t know what that means for me to get back onto my path.”
“So, what does that mean, ‘get back onto my path’? And what would that look like?”
“For me, it is helping people to feel different, helping them make the shift. I want to help women and men on all levels. It’s important for me, especially women.”
“I see. So helping women and men on all levels is important for you. Is this what you are currently doing now?”
“No. I think I have the training, accreditations, and experience, but I’m uncertain how to go forward and transition into my new phase.”
Interestingly, Jacinda required certainty in herself about what she wanted, and her doubt came out in her energy and created a reservation in prospective clients. We revisited her limiting thoughts and limiting patterns.
“I don’t know. I can hear myself speaking, and I can feel that people listen, but they don’t want to follow me because I am not certain of what I am saying. My core energy, my body language, my tone, everything, emphasises my qualms.”
“What happens to your energy?”
“I used to worry so much about how I was coming across. I feel like the spotlight is on me. When I work with clients, they say similar things, and I know exactly how they feel because I am in the same boat.”
“Let’s get back to you. Is that OK?”
“When you start promoting yourself, the spotlight is on you? Is this when you are one-to-one or in groups?”
“Most definitely in groups. This is where I feel the attention and the tension!”
When we are going through any personal or professional change, we are forced to see that what worked in the past may not work for the future. The assembly of people was a great contributing factor as to why Jacinda felt terrified. I suggested that Jacinda attend events, learn new skills, and keep abreast of what was new in her field to help her feel she was the real deal, because she was. I said that perhaps she should look for opportunities to speak publicly in a safe environment, low-risk to start with. I felt there was a strong link between her loss of dynamism in the presence of clients and her confidence.
Asking people to walk with you on their journey requires poise and presence. Jacinda really travelled from our first session until the end. Once her actions were clear and in place, her self-promotion and her wish to work in groups became smoother.
How to Get Out of Your Own Way: Emotional Audit
Observe frequently and write down how others influence your reality.
What are your triggers? What elicits anger, irritation, and anxiety?
I invite you to answer the following questions.
It is what I like to call an emotional evaluation. I do it myself. It takes less than a minute. When I don’t do this, I plummet right into a headless reaction.
1. What am I thinking?
2. What am I feeling?
3. What do I want now?
4. What do I need to do differently now?
5. How am I getting in my own way?
6. What PPS do I have to counter the jellyfish sting?
Drop your expectations. See people for who they are, accept where they are in their development, and focus on your own development. You are no longer inferior or superior. Just be.