Wisdom//

How to Feel More Confident

You just have to believe in yourself.

Courtesy of 	yangleephoto / Imazins / Getty Images
Courtesy of yangleephoto / Imazins / Getty Images

I know your secret. (Well, one of them anyway.)

You doubt yourself. Habitually.

In fact, you spend a lot of time and energy wondering if you have what it takes to have what you want in life.

You DO.

You just have to believe it for yourself.

If you’re having a crisis of confidence, I can help. You CAN believe in yourself again (or maybe for the first time). It’s gonna take a little work, but it’s completely doable. You see, the thing about confidence (and this trips people up) is that you can’t think your way there. You have to act your way into confidence. I’ll show you how in this week’s episode of GrooveTV. Press PLAY already. Your dreams are waiting.

Step 1: Stop comparing yourself to other people.

You MUST stop comparing your real life to everyone else’s social media feed. (You know that no one’s life really looks like what they post, right?) It can be easy to fall for the false notion that everyone else has this life thing figured out, but that’s just not true.

There is no such thing as a perfect life, and few people have it all figured out. Everyone has problems. In fact, your problems are FOR you.

Your life has a purpose on it. There is work you were born to do in the world. There are people you’re meant to impact, and lessons you’re supposed to learn (and teach). Every circumstance (including the problem you’re facing right now) is designed to support your purpose.

Maybe you had a picture in your mind about what your life was supposed to look like by the time you reached a certain age. (And it doesn’t look anything like that.) Or perhaps it feels like everyone else’s lives look like your picture, and that’s making you crazy with jealousy and self-doubt.

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. Comparing yourself to others can be addictive (and paralyzing). There’s something at the root of all that comparison. It’s the fear that you’re not enough. Let’s address that right now, okay?

You are enough just as you are. There’s nothing you to have to do or accomplish to prove you’re okay. You’re okay. Right now. Exactly as you are. You were born that way.

Success in life does not come from comparisons. It comes from forward movement. So I want you to start focusing on that. Instead of comparing yourself to other people, what would happen if you started comparing where you are today with where you were yesterday?

Are you making forward progress? Is your present better than your past? On days you can answer yes, celebrate (and enjoy that little shot of confidence). On days you can’t, figure out what needs to be adjusted, and adjust.

As usual, this next step is a little bit harder…

Step 2: Handle your business.

I have a truth for you.

To have what you want, you’re gonna have to do some stuff you don’t wanna do.
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Life comes with maintenance tasks. You have to pay your bills, file your taxes, open your mail, respond to email, and run yucky errands. You need to meet deadlines. When you say you’ll handle something, you actually need to handle it. And when you make a commitment, you need to make good on that promise.

The more you trust yourself, the more confidant you’ll feel. And trust is won (or lost) on the battlefield of behavior. What you do matters. (What you don’t do matters too.)

Think of your self-trust like a bank account. Every time you handle your business, you make a deposit. Each time you fail to handle it, you make a withdrawal. Aren’t you ready for a big fat bank account?

You can have one. You just need to get proactive.

Make a list of the things you need to handle, and go about the business of handling them. (Even when the handling stinks.) This is where those proverbial big-girl-panties come into the picture. Get them out, put them on, and handle your business. You can. Your confidence will thank you.

Okay, final stretch. This one is way easier. (Thank goodness, right?)

Step 3: Do your homework.

Your confidence is impacted by your feelings of competence. When you know about the thing you’re dealing with (whatever that may be), your belief in your ability to handle it goes up dramatically.

Think about it, when you know nothing about the subject being discussed, do you want to chime in and participate in the conversation? Not really, right? How about when you know a lot about it? You can hang under those circumstances, can’t you?

You’re in charge of what you know.

It’s important to be informed. In fact, information is power. The more of it you have, the more confidence you’ll feel. Whether you’re taking on a new project, moving to a new city, or attempting to secure an important meeting, facts are your friends.

Happily, this thing called Google makes it super easy to access legit info. Do your research. Read blogs related to the topic you’re tackling. Watch how-to videos on Youtube. Check out the person you’ll be meeting on LinkedIn. Look at their social media feeds.

Information is at your fingertips. That means confidence is too. The way you do your life matters. Every choice you make builds your confidence up (or breaks it down). Be a builder.

That’s it for the week. Remember that I never want you to blindly take my word for anything. Only you know what’s right for you. I just happen to have a few coaching tools that can help you get closer to that wisdom. Give this lesson’s advice a test drive in your life, and let me know how it goes. There are three ways for us to interact.

  • Comment in the comments section below.
  • Chat with me on on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.
  • Email me if you have something more private you’d like to ask. My personal email is [email protected]. I’m the only one reading your messages, and it’s always me answering them.
  • Check out my new blog library for on demand empowerment coaching at your fingertips.

My mission is your empowerment. That’s why I’m here. If you haven’t already joined my community, please do it by entering your email (www.kimberlyfulcher.com). Until we meet again, know that life is happening for you.

And you got this!

Originally published at www.kimberlyfulcher.com

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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