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How to Break Up with Yourself (& Fulfill Your Dreams)

Congratulations! You are an adult, you are human, so you have 100% been through a breakup.  We all know what a breakup looks like: ugly crying on your kitchen floor, mouthfuls of overpriced almond butter while wearing Target underwear. Ok, maybe that’s just what mine looks like…. But if there’s something I have learned through […]

Congratulations! You are an adult, you are human, so you have 100% been through a breakup. 

We all know what a breakup looks like: ugly crying on your kitchen floor, mouthfuls of overpriced almond butter while wearing Target underwear. Ok, maybe that’s just what mine looks like….

But if there’s something I have learned through breakups, it’s that breakups do not break you

And in fact, there are all kinds of breakups, not just romantic ones.

I was 24. It was my college sweetheart. We started dating when I was 19 so it was all I really knew. We had the house and the great careers so marriage was just the next step.

But he loved bottles of vodka more than himself, and that left no room to truly love me. The night my fate met his fist, I finally ran… back home to me … it started a journey, not of discovery but recovery of the heart and a greater version of me waiting to be expressed.

That’s the thing breakups will remind you: your heart, YOUR heart, always comes first. 

Romantic breakups create the beautiful space sometimes needed to rediscover your truth and to create the courage to ask it: What does my heart really want to give? 

This space allows us to break up with our old life too, with an old version of ourselves, uncovering huge dreams that may have lain dormant under our old partner’s judgments.

Maybe you have a dream of starting a business, writing a book, finishing a marathon or even just cutting your hair! (I used to think men only liked long hair *insert face palm*)

You know you’ve hit that dormant dream when a little voice creeps in. I call it the Kill Joy voice. The inner hater that wants to stop us, in order to keep us “safe”

If you hear this killjoy’s voice, she may say delightful things like:

  • “Who do you think you are?”
  • “You’re too late!”
  • “You’re too old.”
  • “What will people say and think?’

Rest assured, this voice isn’t speaking the truth, it actually means you are on the right track, resistance is the first step to achieving your dreams.

You can fulfill your dreams right now, right this moment. 

I digress to remind you, and myself…this is not a motivational article at all, this is my learning about breakups, after mouthfuls of overpriced almond butter and ugly crying. 

Your dream can and will come true the moment you decide it. That’s because the most important breakups you will face never involve other people but with yourself. 

When you decide to answer your true calling you will have to break your own heart to breakthrough.

I want this idea to sink in with you, so let’s say that to ourselves together: you’re going to have to break your own heart to break through to become the person you’ve always dreamed of.

This break up is required to get the glorious life that, deep in your heart, you know is calling you forward. And most importantly, that you deserve

  • Yes, breaking up with yourself is going to be messy. 
  • Yes, it will be painful. 
  • Yes, it will be inconvenient. 
  • And yes, it is worth it. 

Why? Because it is your life!!!

It is your one precious, beautiful life and you are worth breaking up to breakthrough. 

Like I said in the beginning, I’ve faced all kinds of breakups, not just romantic ones. 

After I left my finance, I continued to make my way up the ranks as a TV journalist. But I got sick, debilitating sick. 

I used to throw up in between commercial breaks, I could barely walk, all while the doctors told me they had no idea what was wrong but it must be some kind of cancer.

Five agonizing years later, I got the diagnose; Lyme disease.

My body was trying to tell me what my heart and brain already knew: My dear sweet Abbey, this career isn’t in your greatest alignment anymore. It’s time to break up with yourself.

During that time I was also covering stories about the #MeToo movement. One night I came home, dropped to my kitchen floor and said out loud to myself for the first time: Me Too!

In my opinion, I had been sexually and emotionally harassed for years in this industry. So much so that I thought it was normal.  My life got worse, and worse and worse until FINALLY – I broke up with the dream I thought I wanted since I was a little girl. 

Here, I am today, a few years and healing journeys later, teaching women how to run soul-centered businesses and gain massive media coverage so we can together heal that industry from the outside, in. 

I made it out, and you can too. Here’s what I want you to do:

  • Listen to your heart: Remember these two things: 
    • 1) The only person you should be afraid of losing is yourself 
    • 2) You cannot win battles with people who are at war with themselves. 

Maybe some of you can admit that you at some point have been addicted to being in pain because it was more comfortable than the unknown, but today we change that storyline in your head.

  • You can lie to yourself but your body will never lie to you: When it is time for you to evolve as a human, your body will tell you. It is just a matter of if you listen to its signals. The anxiety, the skin issues, the headaches can all be small signs it’s time to evolve. Don’t wait until the signs are bigger.
  • Drop what you know, be who you are: Drop what you know, what you think is going to make you happy, what you think you should do in this life, and give yourself permission to just be who you are. That’s a moving and evolving target which is beautiful, like you.

Yes, this breakup is messy. Yes, it is painful and yes, it is worth it because yes, it is your life. 

This is how to break up with yourself and you are capable of breaking up to breakthrough. 

Won’t you join me on the other side? 

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