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How to Break the News to Your Spouse That You Want a Divorce

Sometimes, regardless of how hard you are trying, your marriage just does not seem to be improving in any way. If you are tired of this situation and are looking for a big change in your life, you might be considering divorce. This decision is often difficult for individuals, especially if there are children in […]

Couple having an argument at the cafe
Couple having an argument at the cafe

Sometimes, regardless of how hard you are trying, your marriage just does not seem to be improving in any way. If you are tired of this situation and are looking for a big change in your life, you might be considering divorce. This decision is often difficult for individuals, especially if there are children in the mix as well. However, once you’ve realized that you are unhappy and willing to start your life over, divorce is the logical next step. Perhaps you’ve already talked to a close friend, family member or your therapist about it and they’ve helped you understand that you also need to break the news to your spouse sooner or later. Take your time but keep in mind that this might be a very demanding and tiring conversation. In case you are not sure how to approach it, keep on reading to get some useful tips.

Consider your safety before broaching the topic

The first thing you must have in mind is your safety and the safety of the kids if you have any. In case the reason for the divorce is an abusive spouse, you need to approach this conversation carefully. Furthermore, even if your partner has not harmed you in any way previously but is known for their angry and impulsive personality, consider talking to them in a public space or having a third party in the room, such as a trustworthy Sydney counsellor or therapist. What is more, you can ever try to do this over the phone if it makes you feel safer.

Make sure your spouse is not blindsided

To avoid any aggressive or over-the-top reactions, make sure you do not blindside your partner. If the marriage was bad for a while, both spouses are probably aware of the fact. In case you have any doubts about the divorce, you can consider therapy or counselling to see whether that would help your relationship. However, if you’ve been putting on an act that suggested that everything was fine, your partner might be caught off guard. In that scenario, you can expect a difficult conversation which you should approach calmly and kindly.

Be calm and direct by practising your talking points

Before you decide to talk to your spouse, write down some talking points such as why you feel like you want a divorce and why you are not feeling happy anymore. It’s important to focus on neutral language and making “I” statements as you do not want to place the blame on your partner seeing as how that can result in a big argument. Moreover, do not defend yourself, retaliate or justify your decision but apologize and explain that you see no other alternative. Practice these statements in order to feel calmer when you actually do have the conversation. Plus, going over them several times will help you be more direct as well.

Give them time to process the situation

Once you’ve shared the news, you need to give your spouse some time to process everything. Even though you are certain when it comes to your decision, all of this might be very new to your partner. Offer to stay with a friend or family member so that they can have a few days to themselves to think about everything that you discussed. Avoid talking about the details of the divorce straight away but reassure them that you are willing to work out a fair separation with an attorney or mediator who will find the best possible arrangement.

Follow through with the divorce

In case you and your spouse cannot come to an agreement on your own, it will be for the best to rely on professional help. Seeing as how family law varies from state to state, you want divorce lawyers from Sydney if you happen to live in NSW. Look for an expert with a lot of experience in the field and ensure they are willing to go to court for you in case the divorce gets messy. If you have kids, this whole process will probably be much more painful but luckily, the professionals will be there to get you through this ordeal.

Prepare for your life post-divorce

A common reason why people decide against divorce is their financial situation. They might lose the shared home and not have enough money to get a new place. The individual in question might be unemployed or they might not earn enough to take care of their family. This is why you need to consider your situation, (if possible) talk to your partner to see how the assets will be shared and consult your attorney to see what you can get once the divorce is finalized. An amicable divorce is a best-case scenario but you still need to prepare for the worst.

Divorce is not easy for anyone. However, if that is what will make you happier at the end of the day, it is something that must be done. Who knows, perhaps your spouse is thinking the same thing but doesn’t know how to approach you.

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