Remember when your mom scolded you, and right there, in that moment, you promised yourself that you would never do that to your child? And then, you did.
That’s because in everyone’s life, from birth-to-death, there are only two people: mom and dad. And, all of your emotional interactions are based on those early patterns that you learned in your family of origin. Those early patterns formed the crucible for all of your future relationships and became your familiar comfort zone.
As a result, it is important to acknowledge and recognize your familiar patterns. For it is those behaviors, that you learned as a child, that are transferred to your style of parenting.
So, how can you break the cycle?
Pay attention and know yourself. Acknowledge and recognize the parenting patterns you are repeating from your childhood. Then, integrate them back into your own sphere of influence – the self. In that way, you will not be compelled to act reactively, but rather, to override your compulsion or impulse to repeat old patters and choose a new and more appropriate behavior.
Work on fixing your behaviors. We can deliberately and consciously override knee-jerk reactions, and make a habit of changing our behavior to new behavior. Unless you choose to override those impulses, behaviors don’t change.
Practice the art of the pause. Give yourself time and think about what you’re doing and how you felt as a child when you were yelled at and screamed at or shamed, etc. That stops you and gives you a minute to catch your breath and override your reaction,”
Never personalize your child’s misbehavior. If you feel a charge in relation to your child’s behavior, then you are projecting your own feelings into that situation. Be clear, so that you can separate fact from fiction…your emotions, from your child’s actions. In that way, your attention will be placed on the incident, where it belongs, rather than your frame of mind and your familial patterns.