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How Self-Doubt Rules People

Learning to take back control

Self-doubt is a huge driver in our lives, wouldn’t you agree? Whether it be about appearance, intelligence, decision making or social acceptance, there are too many people who need constant validation and compliments. This doubt hinders their decision making and life fulfillment, takes away control over how they feel, and long-term leads to self-esteem issues, anxiety and depression. The continual need for validation is not the same as narcissism but often looks similar.

Interdependence is a normal part of human society. As much as we need to be able to validate ourselves we also seek validation from our peers. I once heard a saying that went something like: If you live by the compliment you’ll die by the criticism. Dependent people who seek external validation constantly often lack emotional stability, with swings happening frequently. People who seek constant external validation often lose touch with the foundation of who they are. These same people may find that they did not receive the validation they needed as they grew up, or from the right sources. Learning to heal those wounds with personal development and/or therapy can help people to learn both self-validation and how to not look for it in the wrong places.

Remember that only you know your truth. If you are following valid moral and ethical standards, and know you are a good person deep down then you are most likely making good decisions for you, even if they are not the same as your peers.

Originally published at www.nicolehollar.com

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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