We all fail at some point of time in our life but we don’t handle it productively. The difference between failure that gives rise to self-awareness and failure that is discouraging is connected to the stories we tell ourselves about what happened.
Each of us has some set of messages in our mind which keeps on playing. The reaction to these thoughts has a large impact on our life.
You may have a negative thought in your mind which starts automatically whenever you do some mistake. Or when the things we had planned did not go accordingly.
The natural pain which we feel when things don’t go according to our plan is aggravated by negative self-talk. Frequently framing things like I’m stupid, I’m dumb; I’m not good at managing relationships, etc is a sign of bad self-talk. Instead, better self-talk helps us to identify our mistakes and move on from failure, however painful it is.
Positive self-talk matters a lot. Motivational self-talk improves the performance of a person. We often deal with frustration and struggle to keep going when things get challenging for us. Positive self-talk can help us keep moving and pick ourselves up and start again if we fall.
So, it is important for us how we talk to ourselves in the wake of failure. Here we are going to discuss some productive self-talk practice for moving on and beyond it.
Catastrophe and Question
If you can’t avoid the nasty voice inside your head, why not entertain it for some time by asking, what is the worst that will happen? Then ask yourself the next question, and then what will I do? For example, suppose there an urgent requirement for some money that you cannot afford to avoid. You might think about how I am going to arrange the money? Then you might make a strategy to look for 12-month loans from a direct lender.
Yes! It may sound awkward to have a failure mantra but when you feel dejected, the set and repetitive nature of an affirmation can be a nice way to confront the negative self-talk. Something simple phrases like I can do it, I can go through this challenge and hard time; I am getting better after each and each failure, etc. You can even make up your own mantra and paste it on your desktop or on the wall of your room. This will bust your negative thoughts when they try to enter your head.
Whenever you feel down or dejected, go in front of a mirror and look at your image and say loudly to yourself “You can do it”, “You have the power to overcome any situation life throws at you”. You will feel confident after this act.
Reframe Your Self-talk and Talk Loud With a Friend
Negative talk is always filled with statements like “I always” or “I never”. Go on for a walk with your trusted friend and ask them to help you by letting you speak what is going on and asking the neutral question “Is it really true?” Ask counter questions. This will help you to practice the habit of interrupting and questioning the viability of harmful negative talk. Share your current situation with your friend. Whatever you are going through just tell them. They might not have the solution to your problem but sometimes pouring your heart out in front of someone gives much relief. While sharing your story, you might find a solution yourself, who knows.
Use Five “Ws” to Your Situation
If negative self-talk keeps spinning a negative story inside your mind, try to distance yourself from it while still learning more journalistic questions of “who, what, where, when, and why” to get a clear picture of the situation. Take a few moments to try to tell yourself the story of what happened as neutral as possible.
Use Verbs, not Adjectives
Once you have evaluated your situation, think about future-oriented actions and steps. What happened? What was the reason behind it? What are you going to do about it? This gives you the control of the long story, giving you a feeling of self-efficacy rather than framing you as the victim of negative self-talk. Just don’t think and make a plan. Only positive thinking and good self-talk will not help you in overcoming a situation. You have to bring them into action then only you can get the desired result. Mere thinking is not helpful.
With practice, a technique for overcoming failures through positive self-talk is an important tool for anyone to achieve life goals. Our lives in many ways are constructed by stories we tell ourselves. Through positive self-talk over failure, we can become the master of our story as we move from problem to solution.