As I have an Aunt in a wheelchair that goes from bed to table to chair everyday, surrounded by family including great grandchildren, with another expected next week. And I honor her presence with us, by talking to her about my day, making her laugh with stories of my wild past and holding her beautiful hands – that held mine.
My mother, 101 is in a rehabilitation center, surrounded by caring aides and nurses.
We are a divided family. we are three siblings that visit, sadly- separately.
We cant afford 24/7 care for her- in the comfort and beauty of her own home.
So she is tended to – amongst strangers yet she too is resilient.
The health care system is a system
Nothing to do with caring of others – but only to abide by signatures, rules and protocols.
My health care to my Mom is to sit with her, speak very loudly as her hearing aides are inadequate, hold her hand, stroke her hair and tell her of my day.
Connection with compassion.
Respect for where and how she is in her life
Present in this day
All of this I am able to offer to a woman, my mother, who struggled being a mother to me.
I have been given a great opportunity in this lifetime to have empathy for and forgive a woman who was challenged in bringing me into the world. Fortunately she admitted it in a therapy session she agreed to go to with me. As I struggled with self hatred and self destructive behaviors.
Today am in recovery for and finding ways to love myself
Be the mother to myself
I never had.
I survived a most unreal childhood
of my primal relationship
being one abandonment and neglect
I am now able to give
with compassion and love.