When you lose someone close to home, it changes you. Sometimes in a big way, sometimes in a small way. Death can come in like a storm and wreak havoc on your entire internal and external life.
During this pandemic, my cousin died on my birthday unexpectedly. It shook up my entire world into a rollercoaster of emotions.
First with rage, anger, and disbelief that this could happen. That someone could just LEAVE without any warning. As well as a deep sadness about the pointless of life.
What are we all so busy chasing in life?
This triggered a spur of questions and made me look really hard at my life. I didn’t understand the point of it all. All the time we spend chasing happiness, goals, achievements, money, just to lose the moments we actually HAVE right now. Our last day might be tomorrow and we don’t even know it.
Sitting with this deep hopelessness, I spoke with a coach who helped me consider the idea that I get to choose the point of my life. I get to decide what I want it to be.
I started to ponder, explore, and ask deeper questions.
Was I living my truth? Was I truly doing what I wanted? Was I speaking up about what mattered to me?
Did I live my last 24 hours like I would my last?
Most of the answers to this question were NO and it was a huge rude awakening. When I asked myself WHY I wasn’t doing what my soul truly craved, most of the reasons were because: I didn’t feel good enough, I was worried about someone’s opinion, or I was too scared to take the leap.
This discovery inspired me to reevaluate the way I live my days and pay attention to what my soul is craving.
I am now paying more attention to my TRUE desires rather than what is “expected of me”.
I’m paying more attention to my emotional pain rather than stuffing it under the rug, hoping it’ll disappear.
I’m paying more attention to what my body needs rather than ignoring its signs, signals, and exhaustion.
I’m being more compassionate with myself, especially when I mess up or feel horrible.
I’m less tolerant of peer pressure, bullying, and rudeness than I used to be. I often would take the heat, then silently cry in my room.
I have stronger boundaries and am more protective of my space. This feels like a sacred, nurturing experience.
I’m more patient with myself, especially when I’m not where I wished I was.
Because of this deep exploration, I feel more connected to my truth, my soul, and my life. The journey of losing my cousin has been painful, but it’s triggered an immense healing journey for me.
Although I feel a deep sadness that I will never see him during the holidays again, he left me with the greatest gift I could ever ask for.
Coming back to myself, my truth, my soul’s alignment.
Funny enough, he had set up plans to move to another country and start his career as a meditation teacher just before he passed away. Even in his absence on Earth, he’s doing his work from the heavens and reminding me to slow down, honor myself, and cherish each day. For that priceless gift, he will always be a big blessing in my life.
I hope my experience serves as a reminder to you to live more and stress less. Live your BEST days now because this truly might be your last 24 hours. Did you live it well?