Married women from Boston are happier than married women from NYC because they have a better sex life…
What is the most important factor in a relationship? Is it touch? Is a good love life necessary for a good relationship?
The answer depends on who you ask. If we ask the experts they will tell us that the recipe for a successful relationship is good communication and openness between the partners. It is important to understand that:
One of the most difficult subjects to be open about is intimacy.
There are requests, and feelings, and a lot of disappointments. All our emotions are focused on this world and it takes a lot of courage to open up. A girl might be very uncomfortable telling her loved one that she is not enjoying going to bed with him, at least not in the beginning of the relationship. This turns out to be something which happens a lot, but is very difficult for women to cope with — speaking of communication between the couple.
Here are some interesting statistics and stories told by Happybility users:
18% of married women aged 20–30 feel they are not having sex frequently enough.
“During the first two years we were having sex a lot more, but it’s frequency slowly decreased, and now we do it only about twice a month” says Macey, a 27 year old married woman from New York.
Macey is not alone. At older ages the number of disappointed women rises. For instance,
Among 40–50 year olds, every fourth married woman feels her sex life is not what it used to be. But it’s not only the frequency: 70% complain about libido, time, effort, and maybe even a little bit less love.
When we look at divorced women the situation is slightly different. Complaints are not necessarily about frequency, rather about incompatibility and the wish to be desired and feel safe all over again every time.
“At first it was challenging and interesting; there’s something about doing it with someone you don’t know so well, and someone new every so often, but it quickly grew old. I want the security, the one who will really love me, even if he’s not so great in bed. It’s important to me to feel safe and to know that he is mine” says Jenny, a divorced mother of two from Boston.
Among young women we see two distinct attitudes: on the one hand there is the minority — girls who are looking for experiences without commitment, usually accompanied by fear, but a sweet and sexy type of fear. On the other hand there are the majority of young women, who are looking for ‘the one’ — the one to experience with, and do with. Some even say that if they know he is the one, they are willing to do things they never thought of, or thought they would agree to. What is very interesting to see is that older women, who have been there and done that, encourage the younger ones to keep the one, open up with him and slowly agree to venture to undiscovered horizons — but only when and where they feel comfortable.
Compare your sex life to others in your age and status.
The amazing thing to see is how many couples there are out there for whom sex is quite rare; once every month or two, and not the main issue. And yet, their relationship is excellent, loving, full of friends and family. In other words — it’s not indispensable.
Our main conclusion is not that you can do without, or that you need it once a week or more; rather our conclusion is that you need compatibility. If both partners are not so interested, that’s fine. It doesn’t mean you’re not in a wonderful relationship, or don’t truly love each other. The problems only start when there is a lack of compatibility between the sexual desires of the partners. Most often the man will want more and the woman feels she needs to apologize or make up excuses and feel guilty. What can really help here is… communication! Respect each other. This way both the woman will feel more desire, and the man will understand there is more to relationships than sex.
Originally published at medium.com