When I was 16, I had a boyfriend. He was my first love.
It was an on/off relationship for around 3 years. You know the type… One minute you are besotted with each other. The next you are not talking anymore and are on ‘a break’.
It was during a time that we were taking a break that I kissed a girl.
Here is how it happened.
One night I was round at a friends house. She was a year younger than me. We had become close over the last few months, spending most of our time together or chatting on the phone.
Late one night, as we laid close together chatting on her bed, she leaned over and asked if she could kiss me.
Out of the blue. It’s safe to say, I didn’t see that one coming!
And I have no idea what came over me.
I said yes.
That was the moment I knew.
I had the realisation that I liked girls. Well, this girl. (To read about How I Knew I Was Gay, click here)
But I had a problem. Here I was in this relationship with a guy. He was lovely, we got on so well and I loved him. Despite driving me crazy at times.
None of that mattered though.
There was something missing.
I found it when I kissed a girl.
All the things that didn’t quite feel right when I was with my boyfriend instantly made sense to me. The lack of connection, intimacy, fireworks. You know…?
In that moment, it all clicked into place. And I felt all of that.
How I Came Out To My Boyfriend
Firstly, it wasn’t a conscious decision to tell him. I hadn’t planned the conversation or agonised over telling him.
The words just came out of my mouth.
This is how it went down.
We were sat on the front step of his mum’s house, looking out onto the front garden. I remember the glow of the streetlights and the moon. The afterglow from the warmth of a beautiful day. The peace and stillness surrounding us as we sat out late in the evening. It must have been around midnight. We had both been working that night in hotel bars.
I can’t remember my exact words, it’s a long time ago now.
It kind of fell into our conversation. I told him something along the lines of ‘I’ve realised that I like girls’.
I was nervous. What on earth was I doing?!
He was quiet. He didn’t look at me. He was biting his nails.
I carried on.
I had met someone and we kissed when we were on a break.
‘Do I know her?’ was his first question.
I told him this was about me, not her.
I continued.
I was breaking up with him. I didn’t realise when I arrived at his home that was going to happen!
The words came out of my mouth and before I knew what I was doing, I was telling him about my attraction to women.
My Boyfriend’s Reaction To Me Coming Out
He was quiet. Reserved. And thoughtful.
So was I.
I opened my heart up to him and told him what I felt, thought and had experienced.
He listened, asked a few questions and all the time was hugely respectful of me.
The conversation continued and he told me he could understand what it feels like to be with someone of the same-sex.
He had a few encounters with someone that was openly gay where he worked. He had enjoyed it but didn’t think he was gay.
He talked to me about his experiences and in that moment we connected more deeply than ever.
He said he had an idea that I might be into girls but was trying to ignore it. There had been signs and clues in our 3 year relationship. Apparently.
We continued chatting for hours, until the sun came up.
And then I left.
My life changed forever.
I’d love to hear your experiences.
For those of you that have come out, tell me. Who were you most anxious to discuss your sexuality with?
And for those of you that haven’t come out, what are you most worried about?
And what questions do you have about coming out or living your life as a lesbian or LGBT person? Send them in to me!