For most of my life, fear was my fuel. Although I wasn’t consciously begging for fear drive my decisions, my emotions were clearly indicating something was off. The more I achieved and the more I succeeded, the more disconnected and frustrated I felt. I knew in my mind that I should be feeling grateful, happy and proud of my accomplishments, but my body wouldn’t seem to join the party. I was so busy living in the future and loading up my brain and my schedule with meaningless chaos that my body became completely disconnected from my mind. It wasn’t until I became pregnant with my first child that I realized how much fear was stored in my tissues.
When I became pregnant with my first son, I saw the elephant in the room for the first time. That elephant was fear and it was leading some big areas in my life. Before getting pregnant, I neglected to take the time to ponder why I over-hustled so much. Why was I so addicted to being busy? It was a deep routed fear that unless I hustled my life away, I wouldn’t have enough.
And there you have it…a simple philosophy that was detrimental to my wellbeing and joy. The big voice in my head was that if did less and flowed more, I would have financial stress. I’m a big believer that when we give birth to a precious little bundle of pure heaven, we also unleash stored issues (especially fear) from our tissues. For me, the birth of my second son reaffirmed this truth. It was as if the residual fear being stored in my cells for so many years was released throughout my body and mind. I experienced a truckload of fears during the first few months after the birth of my second son. I was afraid of everything! I can look back now with compassion and empathy but in the moment, my tears and sadness got the best of me.
In my experience, we can only experience true freedom if we rise above fear. We can have all the money and time in the world but if fear is driving us, experiencing pure joy, gratitude and life force is impossible. I am now committed to living in my highest state of truth. Whenever I back-track or experience temporary defeat, I have a conversation with myself that goes something like this: ‘you already tried the fear road…look where that got you- imprisoned. What if the complete opposite of what you are thinking is true? What if letting go of this fear and flowing with soul will bring you more abundance than you can ever imagine?’. This is a new philosophy for me and one that at times is still uncomfortable; but in my heart, it is the only road worth taking.
Originally published at medium.com