Community//

How I Lost and Found My True Self in Becoming a Mom

I can remember growing up that I always wanted to be a younger mom. I didn’t want to wait too long to have children because I wanted to be able to enjoy life with them, be able to travel, and just simply be their best friend. At least I thought that’s what I wanted. I […]

I
can remember growing up that I always wanted to be a younger mom. I
didn’t want to wait too long to have children because I wanted to be
able to enjoy life with them, be able to travel, and just simply be
their best friend. At least I thought that’s what I wanted. I thought
I had everything under control and in order. I had a good job, I had
been in a long-term relationship for years, and I knew that I was
ready to start a family. But what I didn’t know was that having a
child was going to change everything that I thought I knew.

About
six months into my pregnancy, the relationship that I thought was
solid, was starting to spiral downward. I could not figure out why, I
tried everything to fix what was broken. But the question was, “what
was broken?”. At some point along the way the relationship that
I had been in for years had turned sour. I believe that the stress of
bringing a baby into our world played a large part in the tension
between the two of us. We both changed. It didn’t make either one of
us right or wrong, but the change we were experiencing only made the
relationship unhealthy and even toxic. I was focusing on nothing but
work, eating right, trying to sleep, trying to fix my relationship,
and grow a tiny little human in my very large belly. And as a result,
I was overly drained and exhausted. I had completely lost myself.

Fast
forward a few months, it was time we meet or beautiful little girl.
Of what was supposed to be the most wonderful time of our life, was
nothing more than frustration because of the strain we had between
the two of us. Don’t get me wrong, once she was born and we had her
in our arms, all of those emotions melted away and turned into love
and joy as we welcomed her to our family. But even so, nothing
changed between the two of us when it came to the relationship.
Actually, it only got worse.

About
a year and a half went by, trying to fix “us”, but nothing
would budge. I felt more alone than I ever had in my entire life. I
wasn’t the mother I wanted to be or even the woman, or partner, I
knew I could be. I knew at that point, that a drastic change had to
be made. Of course I loved him, and I wanted to be together as a
family more than anything, but I couldn’t see the light at the end of
the tunnel, and I had to make a move, for me.

I
took a leap of faith, and trusted my instincts, began to study
different healing modalities, and became the woman and mother that I
knew I could be. It was all very “Eat Pray Love” minus the
travel.

I
had always used essential oils as a part of my everyday and
throughout my entire pregnancy. And near the end of my relationship,
I had taken a Reiki Level 1 class. From that point on, I knew somehow
Reiki would become a part of my life. Throughout my healing process,
I finished my Reiki lessons, became a Reiki Master, ordained as a
Minister Practitioner, and got certified in Spiritual Counseling.

I
always knew that I wanted my child to grow up in a holistic
environment, healthy for mind, body, spirit and soul with no toxic
chemicals or negative energy when it could be helped. When I
collaborated all of my studies with this, it all simply made since. I
finally knew what my passions and purpose was.

Today,
I run a successful holistic center where I help women and spiritual
women entrepreneurs, regain their confidence and live out their soul
purpose. I provide several healing services, mentoring and even
branding design for fellow healers, worldwide.

I
know what it’s like to feel lost, and nearly hopeless. But I also
know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes you
just need a reason to open your eyes… And to that, I am forever
blessed for a beautiful baby girl.

Much
love and light,

Heather
Mattioni

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