2020 was a crazy year for all of us. Numerous emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual issues. But the wheel of time is moving forward- bringing some positive rays of light and hope in all of us.
I lost both of my grandparents in a year.
The experience was unexpected and emotionally painful. It’s hard to realize that the person you loved has been erased from existence. I was not there with my grandfather when he died( beginning of the year 2020). Which made me give all my time to take care of my grandmother and be with her. When the Coronavirus started to spread around the world, I didn’t want my grandmother to go anywhere out of the home. She pushed me to take her to the relative’s house for a visit but I used to deny the request. I wanted her to stay home and save!
Sometimes I used to say to her – there is a Virus everywhere, I don’t want to lose both my grandparents in a single year. I wish I had never said this!
At the end of the year 2020, she had a brain hemorrhage. We shared many beautiful memories. Sitting on the terrace taking a sunbath, watching clouds, making lunch for her, and listening to her tales. The memories are the most precious things in my life.
Losing grandparents taught me the lesson that nothing is permanent. This experience made me isolate for months from any kind of social connection.
Maybe because of the grief I started to feel weak physically.
I felt so sick that I wished someone would feed me because I didn’t have the power to bring the food from the plate to my mouth.
Numerous fears and negative thoughts started to appear in my mind. Every time a bad thought came, I started to write something positive to overcome the fear. I couldn’t control my mind and that built a wall that seemed impossible to break to get back to my previous life. My parents took me to numerous spiritual teachers who could help me to get power and overcome the fear. Their talks and support helped me to bring positive thoughts and feel healthy again.
Now I don’t take a bus or ride a motorbike to reach a distance of a couple of miles. I walk!
Being the low self – made me realize that we humans have the energy that can change the way we live, but we often take it for granted. Now I become happier whenever I can push my limits, cause I can!
It’s been more than a month, I am trying to rewire my mind to always think & staying positive. Every evening I sit for half an hour meditation and repeat positive quotes. This has helped me to believe I am not going to be powerless again and I can control my own thoughts.
Becoming vegetarian has become another great source of positivity.
This year I want to surround myself with the people who supported me during a hard time.
Starting my morning with positive songs and thoughts. Helping others in whatever I can within my ability.
Marrying the love of my life and planning for our first child.