That’s a picture of me I took a couple of years back.
Do I think I’m gonna be People’s Magazine Sexiest Man Alive? No, while I do have pretty good eyebrows and one dimple, I know that I’m not God’s gift to women.
Instead of wishing I had the sex appeal of Trey Songz or Denzel Washington, I have now decided to start focusing on all the other things that make me special. Deciding to focus on all my other “better” qualities allows the people around me to focus on those things as well.
I remember back in high school there would be these guys (and sometimes females) who weren’t exactly “attractive,” however they did have this appeal (read: confidence) to them that made everyone want to be around them.
Some people (guys and girls) can impress others just by the mere wonderment of their looks. My advice to those who aren’t a nine or ten on the looks scale is to stop focusing on the things you don’t like about your looks, because you have so many other qualities that make you beautiful to others.
Also, don’t worry if you don’t have much success on apps like Tinder or out at clubs when there are other (and better) places to meet someone to date. An app or club isn’t the best platform for allowing people to notice the other qualities (besides looks) that make you beautiful.
How Did You Develop Confidence?
Getting to the point where I could stop focusing on what I didn’t like about myself started with reading articles and asking guys I consider confident the question, “How did you develop confidence?”
I wanted to know what was behind there willingness to smile at a beautiful woman and if she smiled back what motivated them to approach her?
I am a firm believer that anyone (man or woman) can become confident, and knew that there were others like me who were self-conscious but had made the decision to overcome being shy. Last week on the Good Men Project, I wrote about tips I read for developing my confidence and how I’m applying those tips to my life.
With this article, I want to build off that and provide the best of the advice I received from the guys I asked, along with links that can help you.
The best of their advice is as follows:
- You’re not perfect, and neither is anyone else. Learn to accept that.
- Learn to relax.
- Build belief in yourself.
- Leave your comfort zone and practice intentionally putting yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable.
- Have a role model or idol who is confident to look up to.
If I had to pick one that was my ultimate favorite, it would be number five, having a confidence role model.
Confidence (Drop Bad Influences)
Having confident role models in my life helped me recognize the importance of removing myself from the company of negative people.
The company we keep (whether good or bad) shapes or attitude. Famous self-help author Jim Rohn once said: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
In other words, how we see the world, how we see ourselves, and our attitude towards confidence is influenced by who we choose to spend time around. If we invest our time into people who are bad influences, they will start to shape the person we become.
In the past I would spend too much time listening to people complain about how their dating life sucks, their lack of confidence sucks, their career sucks, and looking back now, I realize their negativity begin to rub off on me.
Cutting out bad company was one of the most painful and difficult things I’ve ever had to do, but it was necessary. “Bad company” isn’t just people who tear you down verbally, abuse you, or break your trust; they include friends who negatively affect your mood, are a bad influence, and people who don’t want to improve in life.
Do you have any pessimists in your life, who always view things in the most negative of possible light? If so, GET RID OF THEM! I did, and I can say I’m a better man because of it.
I know self-improvement is something that most of us with our busy schedules don’t think we have time for.
However, not all self-improvement is time-consuming. I know one way you can build confidence in yourself every day that is easy and quick – Podcasts for Self-Improvement.
Replacing negative voices with positive ones is a great way to build confidence in yourself. And, it is through replacing negative voices that I began to shed my own negative voice. As a result, I now focus on the qualities I love about myself and not the ones I don’t.
Previously published on Goodmenproject.com