Diva is a female version of a hustler. Beyonce
What do a housewife and a diva have in common? Well, in my head they are both strong and happy women. My first step is to be a housewife and then move forward to a housediva.
Hard worker — the early phase
I started working when I was 16. It was the summer after my 2nd year of highschool. Until I went to the college, I kept on working during the summer and the winter breaks. It was a booth selling souvenirs and bijouterie. Well, and basically all the stuff our boss got for cheep money in Italy. It wasn’t that bad because I had great colleagues. We were a crew, a family. While all the other kids were enjoying their holidays, we worked. And while my colleagues worked to buy clothes or safe for a travel, I brought the money home for bills and food. I didn’t complain. Sometimes I left some money for myself, to go out. The only people I could hang out with were the people I worked with. There were no days off and we usually worked for 10 or 12 hours, sometimes until 1 or 2 AM. But we managed to find our fun.
After that I upgraded to an office job. It was a call center. The money was shitty, but it was fun because I worked all the shifts with a great girl who later become a great friend of mine.
Climbing the corporate ladder
Then I went to study and got a little break from working. But that lasted only for 2 and a half years. There was no money for me to continue to study. So, I was back to a call center. Then another. I had my first promotion there. From the basement cubicle, I got a desk at the first floor and they told me to sign my e-mails with „Office Assistant“. After a year or two, my boss got another job and I got her position. That is how I become a Office Manager. I had a great salary, for the first time in my life. It was cool for a while. But, since Ines left the company, I was alone in the office. And there was nothing new to learn, no promotions to get. Also, my 7 years relationship was over. It seemed like a good time for a fresh start. And for something completely new. It was time to put a waitering carrier in my résumé. I guess, I always knew I’m going to be an artist and what is an artist without a waitering career?
The waittres became the boss
So, I quit my job, canceled my apartment, packed my bags and bought a one-way ticket from the capital city, where I was living for the last 10 years, to the turist capital of Croatia — Dubrovnik. I got a job in the busiest bar in the old town. For the whole first month I could barely walk in the morning from the pain. It was exhausting. But it was beautiful. The money was crazy! And I had some cool adventures. After 6 months, I was back to Zagreb and for the first time after 12 years, I didn’t work. I took a break for a while. But I didn’t like it. I was getting bored and to work was such a natural thing to me. SO, I was back to an office. Now, to explain the job I was doing requires a new article. Maybe even a book. To make it short, I worked a lot, learned a lot, gained some of the best memories of my life, had the best mentor I could have imagined, got a few promotions and become the very best version of myself. Two and a half years later, I quit the job (that’s the next book).
Emigrating for work
Next adventure: the North of England. Me and my boyfriend went to earn a few UK salaries that enabled us to get some time to figure our next step out. From two UK month salaries we could live in Croatia for 6 months. Today, we are still living from that money. Well, there is a few 100 pounds left, but or fridge is still not empty.
The Benjamin P. Hardy phase
We got back in January and started to plot our future. By February we started to write (and live) on Medium. By March we decided we are never ever going back to work for someone else. In between I got my „I have to work“-attacks several times. So, I applied for jobs and tried to do some freelancing in Croatia. I was desperate. I couldn’t stand ti to work for someone elses WHY?, while mine own was becoming so loud. And to be honest, I couldn’t really stand the way things function in my country. If you ever listened to Gary Vaynerchuk talking about Eastern Europe, then you probably heard he is always saying we are 10 years behind the West. He is right. So, we are basically living in the 2008. And at the same time, me and my boyfriend are consuming all the western (mostly USA) contents. Medium, podcasts, American entrepreneurial, business, self-development stories. Our mindset shifted drastically.
Don’t get me wrong. Croatia is a beautiful country with beautiful people. It’s probably the most amazing country to live in with a great climate, nature, coast, sea and the thousands of islands. It’s a heaven on earth! It’s just not a good place to make a living out of your dreams. Well, at least I didn’t find a way to do that.
Days of great depression
The discrepancy between our dreams and the reality of the society we live in impacted me so deeply, I become severely depressed.
There is another thing. At my last job I was a boss for the first time. I become a hustler. A leader. All that in the body of a 20-something year old girl with a baby face (yes, although I was in my 30s). I loved the feeling of power, the attention and the soft bed for my ego to relax in. But while having that job, my relationship with my current boyfriend started. And we are all about polarity. With him being a starving artist for his whole life and me being a hustler, things got bad in our relationship, too. We knew we are doing a life-long relationship. So, our roles started to stand in our way. I was pushing him to become „the man“, „the hustler“, „the leader“ so that I can relax.
The man saves the day
Then I realised I’m doing it all wrong. I knew I needed do pull back to give him space to grow. Well, I knew it in my head, but my actions didn’t match. I was bossy, having everything under control. Our money, his job, his therapy, his schedule. The past few weeks were really hard. But then he did the move. He told me to stop looking for jobs. He told me to surrender. He told me he is going to make the money. He told me to take care of myself, to get back to therapy, to write, to keep doing my women’s circle and my consultations, since those are the only things I really enjoy. They support my mission and they are making me a better woman. He told me to hunt my dreams and not to worry about the money.
In a short time, while I was living in my bed most of the day, feeling like there is no sense to this life, he started bringing money. I was too weak to care about anything. So, he finally had space to lead. He started his acting workshops and he is building a long-term program now. He is succesful at marketing and selling the workshops and he does a great job, so people want to continue to work with him.
I have this „housewife“ thing under control
Last two days I feel better. I didn’t think I could just hand my financial independence to someone. But my man isn’t anyone. And, at the moment, we need this dynamic. I’m looking after my self and our home. Making my self pretty, working out to gain my confidence back and be a great women for him. I cook and clean while he is out there hustling. And I’m writing and working with women who want to make the girl-woman shift. I’m dancing, crying and dealing with my current state the best way I know. And while doing all of that, I’m giving value to others who find my stories and my life inspiring.
I’m not going back to work for anyone anymore. This artist/ housewife life is the best one I ever had. And once the figures in our bank accounts grow, I’m going to promote myself to a housediva. What’s a housediva? Let it be my next article!
I believe the thing that saved our relationship in these hard days was our rellationship challange. If your life or your relationship feel like a challenge right now, why don’t you try some of our ideas?
Originally published at byrslf.co