Recently I was the keynote speaker at a conference discussing , ‘Single Parents-The New Reality in India’. During the interactive session one of the young mothers asked me, “How do you, as a divorce lawyer remain so positive?” (And much to my joy and embarrassment further added-I’ve never seen such a good looking lawyer)I have been asked a number of questions in my career as a divorce lawyer but never one that has left me digging deep into my philosophical reserves.
Image Courtesy-Vandana Shah
On my drive back home I started thinking about the possible answers to the question. I started reliving the entire journey of where I started about a decade and half ago. I had been recently married and everything seemed perfect, till it wasn’t. The constant humiliation, cruel jibes, abuse in every form possible in the marriage,both by my husband and my relatives. Yes, you read that right, even by my relatives, left me running for cover till one day I found I could not hide anymore.
I realized that it is better to elevate yourself rather than pull down another. I knew I had to take charge of my life and accept myself in totality-the good, bad and ugly side of me.Once I realized this and made my decision it started getting easier. Each time someone bulldozed me with their negativity I refused to believe them. It was just as simple as that. It went to the extent of a blanket ban on accepting any negativity flung in my direction. The beauty of negativity is such that each time you refuse to accept it, it starts dying a slow death initially and then instant death. Each time my relatives would try to give me their unsolicited advice, which was another excuse to dump their negativity on me, I would turn a deaf ear to them. I know that when someone wishes you well, they definitely don’t bludgeon you with their words under the guise of trying to help you, but just get up and help you. The ones who actually help you, may advice you somewhere along the way or may just continue helping you without the accompanying harsh words.
You can turn down the volume or completely mute the naysayers from your life’s narratives once you know that your success depends on your attitude. I completely blocked all the ‘well-meaning advice of the so called wishers’. Maybe they were right at times, but I couldn’t take the risk of sifting through their landmines of ill-advice to find one useful nugget. So I just did what was best in the circumstances completing relying on my inner self, my gut, good books, and based on all these who I felt were my genuine well-wishers.
Did it get tough? Sure!!!!!!But whoever said swimming against the tide is easy.
Even when I cracked under the pressure I let it pass and at least pretended to be positive. And a little pretence goes a long way-try this-even when you are feeling down and out,look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Initially it may feel forced and fake, then, maybe, silly, but over a period of time it starts feeling right and an effective tool to combat negativity. Better to fool yourself with your positive thoughts than go about dealing harsh blows to yourself with the sledgehammer of negative thoughts
Being positive becomes a habit once you practice it and realize how good it feels. Soon you become a magnetic field repelling the pessimism thrown in your direction. I think that if as a divorce lawyer I can remain positive in a war like environment like the court and a family court at that, which is a hotbed of volatile emotions, then most of us can….
Till next time live life Empressize