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How Do Disagreements Help Shape Relationships?

When I was getting married, I had not thought much about the challenges couples go through. For me, it was all about planning a dream wedding, going on honeymoon in that far Island I dreamt about as a young boy and leading a happy life after that. My wife, just as I, hadn’t given much […]

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When I was getting married, I had not thought much about the challenges couples go through. For me, it was all about planning a dream wedding, going on honeymoon in that far Island I dreamt about as a young boy and leading a happy life after that. My wife, just as I, hadn’t given much thought about our life after the wedding.

As they say, the best lesson comes with experience. The more you live and experience different scenarios in life, the more informed and more pragmatic in making decisions you become. When the wedding bells go silent, the best man grants you the privacy, and the flower girls stop to listen to your late-night exchanges, the reality of marriage life finally sinks in. Away from the pomp and color that was your wedding, there lies mirage of couple fights and petty disagreements.

You are all operating from a hindsight

None of you has been in a marriage before. You are all walking in unchartered waters, unsure of which deep ends exist within. If it is an argument, you don’t know how to cool it down. However, from my little experience in marriage, I have realized that successful couples are practical in their approach to life issues. They immerse themselves in marriage and counseling books, surf the internet to clear their doubts, and, more importantly, learn from those who have been there longer.

There are no manuals for successful marriages. What we have are only experiences shared to inspire those couples who might contemplate calling it quits before finding solutions. Even successful couples will tell you they had challenges. Conflicts are inevitable in any romantic engagement. You won’t be able to agree, at least all the time. I am therefore glad to share with you some of a few tips that have continued to keep my marriage afloat. 

When it is all dull, you can light up the mood with some humor

We were settling in our marriage, fresh from walking down the aisle and exchanging those solemn vows we excitedly pronounced. Then one evening, my wife comes back from work, clearly worn out. The first thing I notice is her boredom. It’s her first week at work since returning from her honeymoon, so understand her dullness. 

So I immediately walk into my room and get out a ring I had bought her during our first date. I still keep it because she had declined to take it and vowed we would never getter married. I can’t quite recall what led to the outburst, but that’s what happened. I find her still seated on the couch, nearly falling into a seep. 

I went on my knees and ‘proposed’ to her. She didn’t find it funny at first. However, when she realized I had that ring she had refused wear some five years ago, she burst into loud laughter. The events of that day still tickle her to date.

Communication is of the essence- understand one another

There are always going to be some differences among you. How you solve them will ultimately define your relationship for many days to come. In case of an argument, some people would want to take time all alone as they reflect on the best possible solutions. Others might opt for instant resolution. Yet others might need even days to sober up and discuss their frustrations. 

What is essential in the three scenarios is how you treat each other’s opinions. Differences are mainly brought about by a lack of communication. I have read numerous articles and books on how we need to communicate. All have been good, but none comes close to this article, “would you rather questions for couples” It has everything you need to enquire from your spouse in case of any doubt. 

Be a keen listener

It can be frustrating to have the same argument for a long time without ever losing your enthusiasm. Most of the arguments you and your partner engage in result from mostly little misunderstanding. When these arguments recur, you somehow tend to get used to your spouse’s line of reasoning. You, therefore, assume you know what they want to say next and as a result, deny them an opportunity to express themselves.

Just be a good listener and allow your partner to make their case. It goes a long way toward solving your disagreements.

In conclusion, the tips I have shared won’t still prevent you from having those fights and arguments. You only need to identify where the problem is and try to fix both of you. 

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