Nicole had been in an emotionally abusive relationship for years. When she left, she had to start the process of rebuilding her entire life. Most days, she felt fragile as glass and feared she’d been permanently broken.
A supportive friend encouraged Nicole to see herself differently. “You’re not damaged or broken. You’re fierce and fearless. It takes a warrior to live through what you did and survive. You are an absolute inspiration, you walked away and that took courage. You’re stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for.”
It doesn’t matter whether it was a bad day, a redundancy, a difficult conversation with someone, a horrific marriage, or the loss of a loved one, we all survive circumstances that leave us feeling anything but strong. It’s easy to feel low and fragile, like you have to hide who you are.
Nothing can sabotage you more than letting your negativity bias dominate you.
We all make mistakes, but we are not our mistakes. We can be so harsh and critical with ourselves, and we need to start being kinder to ourselves and recognize all the battles we have overcome, rather than beat ourselves up for what didn’t work out.
But with time and patience, you can reclaim your fierceness and own every part of your story….
LEAN INTO YOUR VALUES
The first step to reclaiming your power is to define your values. Whether you realize it or not, your values drive every decision you make. They are part of you, they guide our behavior, and represent our essence. Commit unapologetically to your values.
When we are not aligned with our values we slip into bad habits and often sabotage.
If you look back at the moments in your life that you most regret, chances are you’ll see that you stepped on your values in some way. Maybe you said “yes” to a relationship, job, business partnership, friendship, or relationship that wasn’t a good fit.
But defining your values can feel tricky. There are hundreds of different values and you want the ones you choose to be true to you.
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
What you focus on often expands. This is great when you’re focused on values that matter to you and inspire you to be your best self.
But it’s easy to get into the habit of focusing on the negative and focusing on what you don’t want. The more you say things like, “I don’t have enough time” or “I can never afford anything nice” or “I’m not very confident”, the more these things become your truth. You live them out even if you don’t want to. And although this sounds simple, many struggle to do this.
Every time you catch yourself complaining or beating yourself up or focusing on what you don’t want, pump the brakes… reboot, reframe, rethink… take a moment to visualize what you do want, challenge your negativity bias, and ask yourself what evidence you have that things won’t work out or you won’t get what you want. Repeat some coping statements, make them short, realistic and punchy… “I’ve got this” ‘Everything always works out for me” “I’m super strong”
HAVE AN OPINION
When someone else asks you where you want to go to eat or what to do with an empty Friday night, you don’t pipe up. You say something like, “I don’t care. Whatever you want to do is fine by me.”
Maybe you think this makes you easygoing or laid back and more likeable. But often, the root behind a lack of opinion has more to do with not valuing yourself.
Share your thinking, own your intelligence. People will start seeking you out for your opinions. Value yourself enough to speak up and ask for your needs and wants to be met.
You matter, too. Your thoughts and feelings matter and your opinions count. Get into the habit of caring and making a decision, making a choice. Practice it until it becomes your new normal.
OWN WHO YOU ARE
Be proud of who you are and what you stand for. If you’re an artist that sees the possibility in everything, honor that. If you’re the writer who spins stories to entertain yourself or others, honor that. If you’re the photographer that feels compelled to capture all of the special moments of your day, honor that. If you are a PA who organizes someone else’s life, honor that. If you are a business owner who employs a team, honor that.
Don’t shrink back, afraid to shine for fear someone else will be dimmed by your shadow. That’s a form of self – betrayal. There’s more than enough light to go around! Respect yourself. Do not ever apologize for who you are.
True power comes from within and leads to increased self- belief and confidence. When you own your power, you allow yourself to stand up for yourself, to be more assertive, to allow yourself to be vulnerable and to embrace your shortcomings and flaws.
Remember reclaiming your power is about being willing to throw yourself into whatever you care about with intensity and passion. It’s about being your authentic self and owning your awesomeness. It’s about being comfortable with who you. When you step out of your comfort zone, you build your courage and confidence muscles.
What ONE thing can you do today to reclaim your power? Excited to hear from you. Tell us in the comments below.
WHO AM I?
I’m Annie Ashdown, Author, Success Coach, Speaker and Cognitive Hypnotherapist based in London. I write about everything I’ve done wrong as a woman personally and professionally whilst out there in the trenches.
I work with high achievers who want to conquer imposter syndrome, crush self -doubt, and de-escalate anxiety. I help them knock down the wall that’s causing them frustration and standing between them and their next level of success so they can get closer to the dream life they’ve set their sights on.
Thanks for reading this post. If you enjoyed it, share it with a friend!
I publish new posts every week, so be sure to check back soon and let me know the kind of content you would like to see more of on this blog.
Hop over to my new Instagram page for daily inspiration, I’d love to connect with you there… @Annie_Ashdown_
If you are ready to catapult your life to the next level, grab my FREE worksheet with 5 simple steps here.
This piece was originally posted on www.annieashdown.com