Community//

Holidays + Loneliness: A Recipe For Rekindling?

Thoughts from my practice to your device.

Credit: Ant Pruitt

For many, the holidays are times to celebrate family, life, love, and personal goals. However, when you’re single it can be a time of anxiety. It’s a reminder that you are single; either because you are around family or because your family reminds you of the fact. When loneliness becomes a painful factor, many entertain the idea of getting back with an ex.

Here are some things that you can remind yourself to prevent you from feeling the pain of loneliness.

What you do: Although it may be difficult, try not to reminisce about your past relationship. When you do that you are only extracting the moments of the relationship you want to remember that were about companionship.

You are recalling only the things that created an illusion of belongingness.

What you can do instead: Weigh out the reasons that you are no longer together, when you start to think that they should be back in your life. To help you weigh out  the decision, think about these things as a guide.

  • Think about the things that lead you to that relationship in the first place.
  • Think about the things that attracted you to the person.
  • Think about what you were looking for before you got into the relationship.
  • Think about the fears you may have had before you got into the relationship.

What you do: Although the holidays might be emotional for you, remember that most of the world knows pain. While it may seem like it’s too painful to be alone during the holiday season, or not enough viable options out there to date, or just tired of the vicious dating cycle, remember we’ve all gone through it or worse. Remind yourself of those that have endured different pain. My mother would always tell me to think about those that go without water or access to food.

What you can do instead: Perhaps volunteer at a local non-profit organization or attend a charity event. This is not just for the purposes of empathy, it’s’ also self-serving. You may meet other interesting people while you are doing good 🙂

Combating loneliness seeks desperate measures.

What you do: Try to avoid stalking your ex on social networks. This only stagnates your growth because it occupies your brain with thoughts about your exes’ activities and whereabouts. It’s you presecuting yourself instead of mentally preparing yourself for a better relationship and a more realized version of yourself.

What you can do instead: Remind yourself that they are an ex for a reason. In my usual fashion, here is another handy guide to help you explore the best decision for you.

  • Think about the things you felt about the love of your life before you got into the relationship.
  • What did the person make you feel about yourself?
  • What did they respond to within you?
  • What did you experience that you hadn’t experienced before?
  • Did you see yourself with the person before you met them?
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