“Life becomes a lot easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” — Robert Brault
At some point in life, all of us have held grudges against a few people. Why? The simplest explanation is that we are humans. We, humans, run pretty high on emotions (don’t we?). Happy, sad, angry, anxious and what not.
Grudges are usually the result of an unerupted volcanic reaction inside our brains. If you feel anger towards someone chances are that you will hold a colossal grudge against them (possibly forever).
It’s important to understand that holding a grudge against someone is nothing but harmful for you.
The best ways I believe you can let go of a grudge:-
1. TALK TO THE PERSON YOU HATE
It’s highly unlikely that you’ll want to do this. Who would? If you hate someone it feels better to just stay away. But this isn’t healthy. I’ve held more grudges than I can remember. As years progressed, I broke the ice and started talking casually to the people I once hated. To my surprise, it wasn’t that bad. Of course, there will be people who won’t go with it, but it’s always nice to try. Once, you do this, you’ll see it was all just for nothing.
It doesn’t mean that you have to be in regular touch with the people you disliked before. It always helps to not leave things on a negative note. Also, don’t stop greeting them whenever you pass by.
2. PRACTICE MINDFULNESS
I know this sounds cheesy but it’s one of the most effective ways to overcome grudges. It’s a long term yet the peaceful process that guarantees 100% success. You can choose a guided meditation emphasizing on forgiveness. I use an app called “Stop Breathe & Think”
“There are different things one can do to establish and hasten the peace process. Meditation is one way.” — Mike Love
3. BE MORE EMPATHETIC
Try to put yourself in the place of the person you detest. Chances are you’ll understand their side of the story and soon forgive them. We often fail to see the situation from the perspective of others. This is a huge mistake. Be the bigger person (always).
“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.” — Alfred Adler
4. DIVERT YOUR MIND
In case everything fails this is the last resort. Keep your distance. Not just physically but mentally as well. Don’t think about it and keep yourself occupied with other important things. Don’t ruin your peace of mind just because of someone else.
I highly support the first 3 ways. Life is short. Holding grudges is just a waste of your precious time. Empty your mind and fill it up with things that matter.
A mature mindset is an empathetic one.
Also published at Cliff’s Journal