This can show up as a fear of rejection and fear of intimacy…triggered out of a deeper fear of not feeling safe. I have been there personally. This wound took on new meaning for me with my daughter. She experienced the divorce of me and her father at age 5. I knew I wanted to do more than just comfort her and “hold her hand” through the transition. So we have gotten this amazing blessing to grow through healing abandonment together.
Feelings of abandonment can give a sensation of not being grounded in your own body because perhaps you did not get nurtured for expressing your feelings as a kid. Abandonment wounds can happen from more than a divorce or losing a loved one when you are little.
If you are treated unfairly, emotionally abandoned by people older and bigger than you can also create this pain.
At some point in childhood you felt powerless. You couldn’t leave because you were too small and dependent.
What it looks like later in life…
The need to seek external validation. Always looking for sense of worthiness outside of yourself through relationships, material things, and/or status.
It’s to relieve that suffering. We look outside for the validation that never got anchored as a kid.
It can show up on a lot of power struggles in relationships.
As an adult we can carry around the self doubt. “I am not enough.” “I am not being good.” “I am not doing it right.”
Throughout our lives we get into patterns where that feeling of worthlessness surfaces and that I am not enough to be claimed…all this abandonment comes up.
This may seem all too familiar…
You crave material things, yearn for status, and seek approval from others…to relieve the suffering you have carried for feeling abandoned as a kid (my feelings never got heard, constantly being told to squash my voice)
You get massively triggered in arguments…because it brings you right into feeling powerless again.
See that it’s not your present self that is doing this. It’s the little kid who got emotionally abandoned and felt powerless.
Of course you can’t go back and change the past. The gift is that you can shift (as an evolving and enlightened soul) the energy within your body. You can shift the relationship with who you are now as a conscious adult with what was imprinted in you and what you are holding in your root chakra (more on this in my next blog).
Healing the wound:
1-Get real about how you feel so you can heal. Stay present in the moment. “NO, this does not feel good for me.” Stand in your emotional truth. Be honest with yourself.
2-Continue noticing and be diligent about seeing it every time it comes up through the triggers and the cravings. Be present and simply observe what’s going on.
3-Drop the self judgement. All you have to do is notice it. “OMG, this happened for me as a kid to enlighten me. I love and honor this pain and I am no longer available for the suffering.”
4-Breathe into the emotions and the pain that you felt as a child when you could not understand it. As an adult you can process that suffering so become aware of that feeling – needs not being met, voice not being heard, not feeling protected or safe.
5-Start to nurture that younger part of you. Invite that child in through images of the past experience. Connect to her. Help her repair that abandonment by nurturing and loving her.
6-Practice saying, “I am safe. It’s ok to be here in my body. I can grow my roots. I can belong here on this earth. I am lovable.” To start taking the root chakra out of contraction and repair that abandonment wound.
7-The wound actually occurs because the soul lifts up from the contracted root chakra. The soul pulls up because it does not feel safe to anchor there. The gift as an adult is to restore the relationship with the root chakra. I am safe to be here. Let this part of me open up at the root of my body to receive. I am going to get grounded here. Place your feet or tailbone on the earth and ground. “I am stable. I am strong.”
8-Practice Qigong to circulate energy down through the legs into the lower half of the body. (Adrenals and Kidneys Qigong practice)
8-Meditate to balance the root chakra. (This is where abandonment leaves the greatest imprint). It orientates the belief of where you belong as a small child. All that you absorbed and internalized as to how you feel protected in the world. The root chakra is all about feeling safe in the universe.
9-Practice in the daily…notice when the thoughts come in and micro align (icky or awesome).
Foods that nourish the root chakra…