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Q: I feel as if my husband doesn’t understand me. I do so much for him and our family, but he has the biggest fit when I am not in the mood. How can I get him to understand that I am being stretched thin and to back off?
A: Feisty woman! I love it! It sounds to me that each of you has needs that are not being met. You have a need for some support, some appreciation, some acknowledgment for what you do around the house all day long, and maybe some help with the kids. When your husband helps out, it gets you in the mood.
That is almost foreplay for you. You would be grateful to make love all the time as long as you were showered with acknowledgment for what you do. You would feel seen and valued and honored. You can ask for that using the sandwich method.
For him, it’s really interesting that a lot of men get in the mood, feel acknowledged, feel valued, and feel connected through the act of having sex. This can often make the wife feel like a piece of meat, not a work of art.
So, first I would say be open and appreciate that he is desirig you as more than just a piece of meat, He thinks you’re hot! He loves to connect with you. He thinks you are beautiful. See if you can look through a different set of glasses. See that his advances toward you are actually a positive thing, not a negative thing.
Also, ask him to go a little bit slower. I am also going to ask you to see if you can be in the mood a little more. . .ask him to run a bath or rub your feet. Be willing to take some time for pleasure.
Be willing to take responsibility to get yourself in the mood. Ask him to help you get in the mood so you can enjoy sex. It’s beautiful. It’s nourishing. It’s healthy. It’s good for your hormones. It’s good for your marriage. It’s good for everything!
You need to be heard and I think he does too. Ask him why he wants it. I bet it has to do with how amazing he thinks you are and how much he desires you and wants to be close. A little communication goes a long way. If I can ever help, I’m here.
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Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.