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Have You Trained Yourself to be Unhappy?

It’s not your nature to be unhappy and dissatisfied. It’s a habit.

Your habits are determining if you have a happy and satisfying life or not.

The great news is you choose and form your own habits. The not so great news is habits can be so second nature, you don’t even know the impact they have.

“…the study of habits is really the study of happiness. Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life, and a significant element of happiness.” — Gretchen Rubin

A lack of happiness and satisfaction boils down to alignment.

Are your habits in or out of alignment with what you want to have and who you want to be in life?

When your habits are out of alignment with what you want, they sabotageyour wellbeing.

Where are you on track and where are you off track in the areas of life that are most important to you?

If you can’t answer that question, happiness and satisfaction are going to feel beyond reach. Maybe you get a little taste of them now and again when something exciting happens, but the inner joy of true happiness and the inner peace of true satisfaction are going to feel impossible.

Since nothing will change without awareness, take stock of your life.

Assess the major areas of your life. Give yourself a rating in the important areas.

Relationships
Finances
Career
Physical Health
Mental/Emotional Health
Spiritual Health
Hobbies/Fun/Recreation
Social Connectedness

Where do you score the highest and where do you score the lowest?

Chances are, the areas where you score the highest aren’t a major source of stress, unhappiness, or dissatisfaction.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, the areas that score high are areas that you nurture, you feel good about them, and you keep a healthy perspective about them.

Here’s where you’re missing the mark in the areas that scored low:

Neglect-

You’ve neglected the low scoring areas in your life. You haven’t given them the time-energy-attention-passion that you’ve given the higher scoring areas.

There’s no judgment about this realization. You can’t change things without awareness, and this is simply being aware and acknowledging that some areas have gone neglected.

a cell at the Eastern State Penitentiary by Christine Bradstreet

Avoidance is appealing, but eventually avoidance turns into a big ugly monster.

The longer you neglect an area, the more distant it becomes. Your health, a marriage, a friendship…they don’t fall apart from one event. They erode over time from neglect. Little by little, the foundation wears away until it crumbles.

If your neglect has been extreme, you may be caught by surprise and not have any idea why it all fell apart. You might be tempted to just heap the blame on another person or some circumstance, but it boils down to your long term neglect.

Get honest with yourself about the areas you’ve neglected.

What’s the first step you can take to be more in integrity with improving the low scoring areas of your life?

Is it a conversation? an apology? a new routine? giving up harmful habits?

Taking even one small step will lead to growth and increased happiness.

Dissatisfaction-

A lack of appreciation causes low scores. You have what you need, but you’re still not happy.

It’s possible you have more than enough in the low scoring areas of life and you’re just not appreciating it.

Ultimately you’re responsible for the energy and attitude you bring into any situation.

If every time you talk or think about something you use words that represent lack, disappointment, failure, negativity, or frustration, what’s the likelihood the situation is going to improve?

How likely are you to see the parts that are working if you only focus on what’s not working?

There’s a word that people use to justify dissatisfaction. It’s called perfection.

Perfectionism is toxic and it’s making you and the people around you miserable.

Perfection is a killer of dreams too. How many things have you avoidedbecause you didn’t think you’d be able to do them well enough?

Choose excellence over perfection.

Perfection = dissatisfied, moody, grumpy, stressed and unhappy.

The remedy is to identify what you can do and what conversation you have to have with yourself to bring joy, appreciation, and openness to the low scoring areas.

Chances are, if you have the resources to read this article, you have everything you need to live a happy life and be satisfied with it.

A Sense of Superiority-

Feeling superior or like you already know everything you need to know makes it pretty darn hard to break through to the next level.

A downward cycle begins.

You feel superior in an area, so you stop learning and developing. When you stop learning and developing, you stop growing and you eventually become less competent. Sensing your competence has diminished, you lose confidence. The less confident you are, the more you shrink back and become less competent. They cycle continues…

Here are some sure signs you have a sense of superiority or that you “know it all”.

“This is just how I am”
“I’ve always done it this way.”
“I don’t care what the experts say, I know what works for me.”
“You just don’t get it, my case is different!”

Those are just a few examples.

Anytime you have black and white thinking or you just won’t listen to other opinions, you’re choking off your own growth.

The surest way to poison a relationship is to think you know the person and try to fit a label on them. You’ll never honestly see their gifts when you do that.

Don’t forget, you have a relationship with yourself too, and if you’ve put yourself in a box, that will lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

Getting back to the areas where you scored low, have you been humble and open? Or have you been shutting down possibilities?

What’s something you can do to see yourself, other people, or the situation differently? What can you learn?4 Things Are Robbing You Of Your Most Awesome Life
It’s time to take back controlmedium.com

It’s not your nature to be unhappy and dissatisfied. It’s a habit.

The habitual ways we look at things and the ways we nurture areas with our skills and attention are what make life either joyous or a chore.

Tending to these habits, regardless of our life circumstances, is what makes us happy and satisfied.

You deserve to be happy. When you take courageous steps with the expectation of happiness, doors will open.

I made a 5-day Guide to Mastering Happiness, and it’s yours for free! Click here to get the guide for free!


Originally published at Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium.com




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