Women have spontaneously assumed less sound negotiators than their male counterparts in the collective unconscious.
Studies reveal that women spend more money buying a car or any other costly item. This is because men often negotiate more aggressively, valued and expected in business. In addition, the language used is competitive, “win-lose” A woman, on the other hand, who exhibits these traits will frequently be stigmatised or devalued. Nevertheless, structural and integrated inequalities are persistent. Hence, we need to avoid blaming women as this is a collective problem. I have seen this in myself, my female clients, and my female friends.
As one of my clients told me, “It went terribly wrong. I went in to get a salary increase and walked out with another project. I was so set on asking for what I needed and walked out with two problems. More work and no pay increase!”
So how do we explain this hesitation of women to negotiate? It’s a widespread condition with known symptoms, but it’s treatable!
Here are some practical tips for maximising your chances of getting what you want at work.
Gravitas
Gravitas denotes seriousness. People with gravitas portray grace and stature. They are honourable, responsible and committed to action.
Gravitas was valued among leaders during the Roman empire, and I would argue it is even respected today.
“We are not born good negotiators. We become one.”
Gratitude
Gratitude is a practice of looking at your life positively based on what you have achieved and what you have. The mantra is everything makes us “complete” people when we think we lack everything.
Gender
Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s number two, details an excellent example of her negotiating her salary with Mark Zuckerberg in her book Lean In
So the businesswoman told Zuckerberg she couldn’t accept, Mark called back the next day: he had a better proposal for her.
Micro-behaviours have a significant influence on others. So my biggest takeaway is to be prepared before any negotiation, which will give you the conviction and authority to go forward.
We need to become more aware of imbalances and more secure in our skills. Because of a lack of self-confidence, girls are taught more to be good and to be small. And because of the anxiety of being socially punished and stereotyping from birth, we satisfy the narrative.
Becoming aware of who you are, grateful for where you have got to and owning your power will change your state before, during and after negotiation.
