She wanted to run into her arms to give her a big hug, just like daddy always did. She wanted to smell her flowery smell. But she held back. She could feel the spiders crawling inside her tummy, and she was afraid of spiders.
She wanted to shnoogle beside her and touch her soft hands, as they read a story together, just like daddy used to do, when he was a little boy. But she held back. She could feel the snakes slowly creeping up her limbs and she hated snakes.
She wanted to draw a picture with her, because she always made her laugh, just the way daddy used to color with her. Once he showed her the pictures.
She wanted to tell her that she hadn’t lost the crayons that she had bought her, but that mommy had taken them away. She said they were broken. But she held back. She could feel the rats nibbling away in her heart.
She loved her so much. She wanted her to know. She promised herself that she would tell her –
Child Alienation — when parents unjustly deprive their children of affection from people, who love them and want to be part of their lives: the other parent, grandparents, stepparents or other relatives.
Child Alienation is a control tactic, which doesn’t bear the child’s best interest in mind. Instead, it is intended to punish or simply hurt someone else as a means of dealing with one’s own feelings of jealousy, competition, or fear of rejection.
Child Alienation is often camouflaged by layers of rational defenses and justifications: to spare the child from disappointment; to shield the child from what the alienator perceives as negative influence; to protect the child from values and beliefs that are not aligned with those of the guardian.
Child Alienation is a type of child abuse, often so well disguised that the alienators themselves are unaware of their actions and the detrimental long lasting scars they’re inflicting.
Now here’s the thing —
So, how does one battle Child Alienation?
*** List ALL the people in your child’s life, who potentially love him/her. Don’t overthink this process. Don’t try to analyze or question the nature of their love. Don’t let your own emotions get in the way. Keep the list simple and factual: mommy, daddy, grandma and grandpa, stepmom and stepdad, siblings, aunts and uncles.
*** Take a stroll down memory lane to a time you felt truly loved. Shut your eyes and relive the experience. Allow yourself to be consumed by the warm and fuzzy feelings that come from being loved.
*** Now, imagine your own child experiencing these same positive emotions. Imagine the smile on your child’s face and the sparkle in his/her eyes. Open your heart to the sounds of his/her giggles of joy.
*** Tell yourself, “Look how lucky my child is! Mommy loves him! Daddy loves her! Grandma and Grandpa love them!” and the list goes on. Celebrate!
*** Remind yourself that happy children make happy parents.
Sure, there will be times that our kids will be disappointed, because someone they love and loves them back doesn’t live up to their expectations. It’s called “Living”.
Sure, there will be incidents, when they have to deal with values, traditions, rules and behaviors that differ from what they are used to at home, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, is it?
Sure, there will be times when the people, who love them show their love in ways that differ from what we are familiar with and approve of, and we will have to bite our tongue.
And alas, there will be times, when no matter how hard we try to be noble, we feel pangs of jealousy, left out or not appreciated for our efforts of love, because our kids are rejoicing the love of others.
But — being able to love and be love is the greatest gift we can give our children, the people in our life and most of all ourselves. Learning to love and be loved is an ongoing journey, filled with surprises and golden nuggets.
It time to take control of our lives.
It’s Time 2 Lead.
It’s time to THRIVE.
Originally published at medium.com