A lot of people I work with don’t realize that they’re stuck in an area of their life because they mistake comfort with being fulfilled. They’re depressed, fatigued, or bored, whether it’s in a rut of routines, a job, or their marriage.
What if you weren’t really stuck? It’s more likely that you’re simply not inspired to act because your waiting for clarity or understanding so that you can move forward. To get clear answers, you must begin by writing down what you don’t want so that you can clear space in your head for the understanding of what you really do want.
If you’re feeling stuck it may be because you’ve been playing the stuff in your head like a movie trailer. If you’re not aware, movie trailers are never in sequence of the movie. They clip pieces and they move it all around and make it look wonderful and exciting. The first question for your 2017 trailer; are you the leading or supporting actor in your own script? Who wrote the script for your trailer anyway? Well the bad news is you did, but the good news is you can change it.
However, before you re-write your script you must know what your purpose is? And keep in mind; your purpose is not a material thing to “have” or “do”. It’s not the kind of car you’re going to drive, how much money you are going to make, what title in your career you’re going to achieve. It’s none of those material things.
Your purpose is a feeling, a behavior or combination of feelings and behaviors; how do you want to feel and act in life. Maybe when you see yourself in that car you crave to own, check in and see what are the feelings you think you will have driving it? Freedom, looking sexy, confidence, accomplished, purposeful? What about that job, busting your butt year after year to get that promotion to the position you have been waiting to attain? What are the feelings or behaviors that you think the new position will bring you? Significance, maybe its connection, influence over others, personal achievement, pride, security; or maybe it’s to serve other people.
So, without going down a rabbit hole, let’s just explain a bit of how your values, feelings and purpose are all tied together. The next challenge to getting unstuck is aligning your values with your purpose to move forward. Sometimes people get stuck not knowing what their values really are. “You may think you know them, but show me where you spend your money and time and I’ll tell you what they really are.”
Sometimes people pick enticing vehicles that direct them away from what they really want. Once they acquire them they don’t experience the emotions they thought they would feel; disappointed or confused as to what to go after next. Then that feeling of stuck returns. Let me invite you to look at any material thing you have chased and acquired in the past and ask what feeling or behaviors you really desired to receive but never showed up. Perhaps you were chasing the wrong thing or using the wrong vehicle to acquire it. I will explain vehicles a little further down…
Don’t get me wrong, I like nice things, but to get unstuck you need to find your true core “values” then suddenly you know the characteristics of the leading actor!
So lets find your values…
I would like you to go back and look at your 3 happiest memories in your life. Write down on paper as much as you can remember about your happiest memories. What did you hear, feel and see in every detail of what was going on in the moment? Then circle the feelings and behaviors you see.
To move forward you want to insert those feelings/behaviors into your life. Gratitude, Joy, Caring, being cared about, Power, Love, Integrity, sharing with others, etc.
Did your behaviors move you toward achieving those values, experiencing more of those feelings you desired, or were they moving you away from them?
Maybe you wanted any of the following scenarios in the past and got stuck… Let’s look at how these could possibly be re-written to get what you really want.
Say you wanted a healthy and fit body when you looked in a mirror, take a deeper look and ask what are the values you seek in achieving it? Maybe what you were really wanting is to feel more feel confidant, sexy, intimate, accomplished and because you are healthier you can participate more with your family. When you are clear about the values you desire you can experience a multitude of vehicles to choose from to achieve your goals. When a vehicle encapsulates as many of your values as possible; you’ll enjoy the experience and that’s what will make you want to repeat it again and again.
As songwriter Harry Chapin said, “ It’s the going there, not the getting there that’s good.”
Warning, knowing your values and purpose are not enough by itself. The number one risk remaining is if you don’t answer the following question. What are you willing to give in order to get to the outcome or the goal that you desire? You must be willing to decide what you’re willing to give in return, whatever it is… money, time, or changing the limiting belief that you can’t do it? Values can complete against each other. For example, I really enjoy the taste of a jelly doughnut and I want a rock hard body. So, you must answer the question what are you willing to give for the outcome you want.
Let’s say your goal is to find the perfect life partner and have those feelings of love, joy, sharing, giving to another and receiving back. Vehicles that might be of use… Telling your friends the kind of person you would like to meet. Joining an online dating site to meet people and be honest with your answers and what you are looking for. If you have a religious preference you might go to church to find someone who shares your beliefs and values. Maybe you feel free when you travel, so join a singles travel group. You want a partner that shares your core values for a successful long-term match.
Let’s end with one more… You want to be the best parent ever. You want to see the joy in your children’s eyes when you hold them. When they hug you and you feel strong and important to them because you make them feel safe. Time is a big vehicle you need to use for this one. Most parents tell me, oh I would love to do weekend trips, homework, or go to my kid’s games, but I just don’t have time. If your job takes up so many hours in a day that there is nothing left of you when you get home, then maybe it’s the wrong job. Remember a job is a vehicle and there are other jobs out there. If the hours you work never allow you to see your kids when they are awake, perhaps you need to answer what you are willing to give in return for the relationship you really desire creating.
When you get home from work at 5pm, are you feeling worn out but still have to feed the kids, do dishes, get the kids bathed and to bed, followed by you flopping out on the couch? Lets say your true value is having this amazing loving relationship with your child that you never had with your parent. You yearn to be super Mom but time is just going by so fast and your still stuck in your mothers shoes. Here’s the good news! Now that you have read this article, will you lead your evening from your values or others expectations? What is the experience you really would rather have starting from your values so that your children have memories they talk about for a lifetime.
In 2017 look at the vehicles and behaviors that include your values you want to experience and not only will you get unstuck but it will be the year that stands out forever.
To learn more about how to live a legendary lifestyle see http://chadecooper.com.com
Originally published at medium.com