Men suck at relationships. I know — I get it, those four words aren’t easy for us to hear but they need to be said. You and I struggle in building strong, healthy relationships.
I want to remind us of that before we dive into today because it’s important to what we are going to talk about. See, if you want to thrive in life and make a dent in this world, you’re going to need people. You are going to need strong relationships to do so. Otherwise, no thriving, no dent.
So — you want strong relationships. But by saying that I am denoting what?
Your relationships are weak
The complete opposite of strong. But what do I mean by weak? I’m talking about shallow — disengaged — unaware. There’s probably a lack of care for relationships, or maybe discontent or apathy towards people in your life. Again, this may not be with everyone — but if there is anything you and I can pick out wrong about ourselves, most of the time, it’s with people. And just so we’re clear — I’ll throw myself under the bus too. This is why I am here, passionate about this very topic.
Again, this may not be with everyone — but if there is anything you and I can pick out wrong about ourselves, most of the time, it’s with people. And just so we’re clear — I’ll throw myself under the bus too. This is why I am here, passionate about this very topic.
Each of us, in our own unique way, are weak in relationships — maybe it’s one of them, or maybe it’s all of them. The bottom line is we need help.
So where did this all come from? How did we start sucking at relationships? Was it when that girl broke up with you in 5th grade or in the dark ages of college that you barely remember? Well, it could have been all or none of those places. I’m talking about less of a time in history and more of what is going on inside of your heart.
Do guys suck at relationships because they want to?
See, for a long time, I used to think guys sucked at relationships because…well, they just wanted to. Like it was their shtick and they just wanted to be defined that way. And while that may be true for some men, it’s not true for most. The real reason why we struggle with our relationships is that we don’t know how to build strong ones. At the core of our problem is a lack of knowledge. But our lack of knowledge is brought on by something much deeper. We are afraid — and because of that, we lack the confidence we need to grow strong relationships.
You and I want the Good Life
But here’s what I am also finding out about us — We want a good life. Actually, we want a freaking awesome life! We want a great career, we want advancement, we want to get cool stuff, live in a great house, drive nice cars. We want to thrive in life — we want to make a dent in this world.
The only problem is this — the life you want isn’t found in stuff. It’s not found in your career, collecting money in your bank account and it’s not in using people like you may have been doing to get ahead in this world. The life you want — the life you need is found in investing people.
The Good Life is found in Strong Relationships
Strong relationships are the foundation to thriving in this life. Strong relationships and investments in people are the keys to finding out who you are, how you are wired, the gifts you have and the places you should invest. They are the foundation for you one day making a dent in this world. You cannot do it without others. Your legacy is left is people, not profit.
SO…where do we begin? What does it look like to begin walking down this road? You begin with the end in mind. What kind of relationships do you want? I can’t help you decide that — that’s on you. What are the kinds of relationships you want to build? What do you want them to look at feel like? Take some notes, whatever, get it out in the open and out of your brain.
From there you need to discover the relationships you need. This is where I come in — this community of men who are going to do this together. Let me very quickly tell you three relationships you need:
1. You need relationships grounded in speaking truth
You and I need people in our lives that continually point us back to the truth. And the truth road goes both ways — you not only need to receive it in your life, but you need to also give it. The truth isn’t always easy to hear, but it is the pathway to us becoming the men we were made to be. The world is full of lies and deceit — all of which have caused us to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. We need people who will combat those lies and begin speaking truth to us — whether it’s easy to hear or not.
2. You need relationships grounded in vulnerability
Vulnerability is nothing new, but it is a completely new concept for guys like us. You and I need relationships with people where we can open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt or harmed. I know what you’re thinking — what?! Yes — see, pain is a natural part of life we’ve been avoiding for too long in our relationships. Strong relationships are built on the process of becoming vulnerable in front of those people we want in our lives.
3. You need relationships grounded in showing love
We live in a culture where people consider flinging mud of hatred a profession. But for us to move forward in building strong relationships, we need love. As cheesy as it sounds, love is the glue that will hold all of your relationships together. We need to be seeking out relationships that offer love to us in the purest of forms.
Now — I get it. Men don’t focus on words like truth, vulnerability, and love. But in order for you to change, to become the man you want to become, your focus must change.
Just Take One Step
So here’s what I want you to do. Take one small step in the right direction today. Building strong relationships don’t happen overnight. Investments take a long time to grow. But you have to start right now. Grab your phone and I want you to touch base with a person in your life that you haven’t talked to in a while. It may be a friend or a family member. Reach out to them and re-establish contact. That’s it. Real simple. Go. Do it. And we’ll talk soon.
Your Call To Action…