How often do you ask for help?
How open are you about the help that you need and/or receive on a regular basis?
I saw some Instagram and Twitter posts recently about Chrissy Teigan posting how thankful she is for all of the help she and her husband, John Legend, have for their kids and their lives. Trolls quipped back at her in a very negative way about them having servants, chefs, child minders, etc. And Chrissy’s response was yes, we very much have help, we couldn’t do everything that we do without it. Followed with, I am not going to lie that we don’t need help and support and hide the fact that we have these wonderful people in our lives.
I loved this. She’s not denying that she needs help. She’s open and honest that she and her husband can’t do it alone, so why hide it. Why paint a picture that’s not their reality?
Yes, she has the means and luxuries that many of us don’t have, but the core of it is that she’s not doing it alone. She’s not afraid to share and say that there’s no way she could do it alone. And this is how she makes it happen. She doesn’t magically juggle and manage everything in her life all on her own and she doesn’t want people to think she does.
For this I applaud her. And it got me thinking about the ways in which we may or may not ask for help and what then comes as a result. You either go alone and feel the weight, burden, and pressures mounting and ultimately crushing, or you let go of the belief that asking for help is weakness and surround yourself with the support that you need and flourish.
Ask for help, put your hand up and say you’re struggling, surround yourself with people who can help you – whether that’s family, friends, or your community. No one has to go it alone and we need to stop trying to prove that we’re stronger, more powerful, more put together, more of a mother, more of a husband, more of whatever we’re trying to prove by doing it all ourselves.
We’re not wired to be solo. We crave community and connection. With community and connection comes support and ultimately the further success and growth of everyone. I know from personal experience that trying to do it alone and refusing to ask for help just comes back to bite me in the butt in the end. Exhaustion, overwhelm, or resentment are often the side effects if not the actual end results. When there’s a feeling like everything is falling on your shoulders and you’re the only one bearing that weight, guess what, you brought that weight on yourself.
People are not mind readers – as much as we’d love for that to be true – it’s just not the case. So when we operate as though they are and we don’t speak up when we need help, a little love, or some encouragement, we’re not going to get it. Those around you may try and guess what you need if they’re perceptive enough to see that you’re struggling or pick up on your not so subtle hints and jabs. However, when you don’t explicitly ask you will likely not get what you’re truly needing and desiring in that moment. Don’t put on the pretty face, the ‘everything is fine’, the big girl/boy pants if you’re not really ready or supported.
Some people I know are really good at asking explicitly for what they need and want. I used to think of it as super selfish and needy because I myself wasn’t good at speaking up. I was putting a judgement on them yet now I understand it as effective communication and something I subconsciously desired. They were simply upfront and clear so that they didn’t end up in a place of resentment, overwhelm, or exhaustion due to not asking and communicating.
With this in mind…
As you plan and think forward to 2020 consider these two questions
- What and/or where do I need support?
- Who and what will support me and my audacious goals?
Sitting in these two questions creates the space for you to step into the I AM Momentum Method. It’s all about Identifying, Accepting, and Moving which generates the Momentum to tackle 2020 – or whatever it might be – with greater power and presence and a lot less stress and pressure.
These questions allow you to identify and bring awareness to the areas in which you would benefit from support. That support can be in any form – learning or hiring out a skill needed to advance your business, childcare responsibilities, caring for an aging parent or partner, encouragement to get to the gym rather than yet another Netflix binge, an accountability partner for having a tough conversation at work or home, whatever it is for you.
Once you’ve laid it out take a moment to pause, accept, and understand that yes, we all need help in various forms, and that’s 100% normal. There are also seasons of our lives where we need it a little more than others and that too perfectly OK.
The pause and acceptance releases the pressure to take it all on ourselves. It’s almost like opening up the pressure valve a little bit to let some steam out so we don’t ultimately blow over. When the pressure on ourselves isn’t there it becomes so much easier to move into action of seeking help and support. This is what propels us forward and creates the momentum to release more of the pressure.
So have at it. Jot down those areas, projects, whatever they might be where you know or think you’re going to need support along with what and/or who might be able to provide that support. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s just a first step.
Then when you start to feel the pressure mounting or you’re wondering why you’re not feeling the momentum in the right direction you can ask yourself, have I asked for the help and support I need?
Let’s make the weeks, months, and year ahead full of flourishing momentum made possible by seeking out and asking for the support and help needed.