Are you kind to yourself?
Do you tell yourself the truth about time?
Do you respect your own boundaries and limits?
Do you say no often enough?
THESE ARE JUST A FEW ASPECTS OF SELF-CARE THAT OFTEN DO NOT GET ENOUGH OF OUR ATTENTION.
Read that again.
These are all aspects of wellness. And I’ve found more people have blind spots around these topics than knowing how critical sleep, movement, staying hydrated and nourished are to good health.
Let’s look at some of the hidden ways we neglect our own wellness…
BEING KIND TO YOURSELF.
You may eat healthy and exercise as a means of achieving health and well-being. But what I would like to know is:
How do you speak to yourself?
Do you call yourself unkind names?
Do you admonish yourself for not being or doing enough?
Do you compare yourself to others?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are neglecting a key aspect of your own wellness. As a coach, I really notice how disrespectful and rude many of my clients can be towards themselves.
Having constant negative thoughts and speech about yourself is a form of self-abuse! This is the opposite of self-care.
Be aware of your internal self-talk. I invite you to make a clear decision to speak to and about yourself with kindness and respect, even if you’re the only one listening inside your head. Please speak to yourself the way you would address someone you love and appreciate!
One way to practice positive self-talk is to attach it to an existing habit. After all, our internal self-talk is simply a habit, so it can be changed. I recommend coming up with five ways you are proud of yourself while you are brushing your teeth every night. Not just one or two, but stretch beyond what’s comfortable. I know you can find five things each day and it’s ok if they are small. This is a great way to begin developing a consistent practice of positive self-talk.
BEING HONEST ABOUT TIME.
This is a big one! Most of us are terribly negligent in the amount of time we give ourselves to do things. We block out a 1-hour slot on our calendar for a 1-hour meeting. What we don’t consider is:
- The drive time (to and from the appointment)
- Finding a parking space
- Pre-meeting prep time, material gathering and organization
- Post-meeting clean-up, follow-up and organization
One of the biggest problems about not taking the above bullet points into consideration is that we then often beat ourselves up for being late, unprepared, or disorganized. It is not time that needs to be managed. It is you. Self-management involves acknowledging the truth about time… how much there is, and how much is truly required to accomplish the things on your schedule.
Commit to putting the real time involved in your daily activities on your schedule so you can feel good about getting it all done without feeling frazzled or inadequate. Otherwise, you’ll need to refer back to the first item in this list!
RESPECTING YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES AND LIMITS.
You can’t value your gifts, talents and accomplishments when you aren’t honest about your limits.
YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!
Leave yourself some room to feel good by being honest about the time and resources you have. Having unrealistic expectations always leads to disappointment.
Recognizing the finite nature of things, i.e., time, resources, energy, etc., allows you to appreciate the things you do get done rather than thinking it’s never enough.
One way to accomplish this is to evaluate your week honestly. Assess what is and isn’t working. Set some standards and adjust when necessary.
And don’t be afraid to make a request when you need something. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It simply means you are being self-aware and honest.
Women, in particular, can grow their wellness and satisfaction by learning how to acknowledge and articulate their needs. I say women, because we aren’t generally taught this and, depending on your age, it hasn’t been modeled for us, despite how many roles we take on. Being able to make a request from a co-worker, friend, partner or family member, without overly explaining or justifying, is a valuable skill to have!
SAYING NO
80% of yeses are incomplete, meaning there is some hesitation.
If you are hesitant about saying yes to something for any reason, you actually mean no. Saying yes to things, when you want to say no, leads to burnout and resentment.
Only say yes when you are 100% sure. I call this the complete yes.
All of the above practices require self-awareness, and a true commitment to your mental and emotional well-being. Committing to respectful self-talk, honesty about your time and limitations, and saying no in an effort to honor your needs will make space for wellness, and a new kind of productivity that comes from living a more balanced life. When you aren’t giving from the fumes of an empty well, you have more to offer.
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Is your work situation uncertain or frustrating you? Are you without a job or wisely thinking a current furlough may be just the hidden gift to start exploring work you’re truly meant to do? Do you hate your job, but have no idea what to do instead? Attempting to navigate those waters without support is not fun (yes, I do know, but that’s another story). I’m excited to announce that I’ve created The Job I Love Toolkit, with all the resources you’ll need to finally clarify how to get paid to do you.TM To be the first to hear more details, join the join the VIP Wait List.
And if you know a friend or neighbor who could use hearing the advice in this article or needs The Job I Love Toolkit, please forward this to them.